


Breath of Life

by Janeway578, RacingHeart



Category: Political RPF - US 20th c.
Genre: F/M, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-01-25 07:20:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12525992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janeway578/pseuds/Janeway578, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RacingHeart/pseuds/RacingHeart
Summary: Young love is sweet and beautiful.  Can Bill Clinton and Hillary Rodham's newfound romance withstand all the obstacles about to be thrown in their path?





	1. Chapter 1

Berkeley, CA

Summer, 1971

 

Hillary placed the peach pie on the counter to cool. So the lattice work wasn’t exactly perfect. But she had done it all herself. Baked a fucking pie. And the thought had crossed her mind, as she mixed the ingredients together, that damn she really had it bad for this guy. Otherwise, the notion of traveling to the store on foot to purchase fresh peaches, rolling out dough and cutting strips of homemade crust into straight lines to weave them intricately together, all while sporting a floral apron would be absolutely laughable. Just to make him something that reminded him of home.

She wiped her hands on the apron and turned slightly, catching a glimpse of someone approaching the backdoor. He was there. After twenty-two aggravating days he was finally there. Clean shaven and with a haircut too. God, he had never looked sexier.  Focusing on the pie had given her hands something to do, had kept the butterflies at bay but now that he was standing just on the other side of the door, ready to spend the whole summer with her, she was fluttering with anticipation. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 

Bill knocked softly on the back door and then peered inside the thin screen. And there she was. Hair quite a bit shorter than when he left her a few weeks before, highlights from the California sun glinting in the light of the kitchen as she walked toward the door. Soft summer dress clinging to her curves. And goddamn did she have them. He licked his lips, taking in the sight before him.He wiped his sweaty palms on his shorts and then ran a hand through his newly short hair before straightening up to wait for her.

Hillary’s hand lingered on the latch. “If my boyfriend sees you here, he’ll kill you,” she said lightly.  “Tall, bearded Viking from Arkansas, he’s on his way here.  You better go before he shows up.” Her eyes sparkled with laughter.

Bill’s lips quirked into a sexy smile. “Sounds terrifying. But honestly not very smart. If I were your boyfriend I wouldn’t let a goddess like you out of my sight. Some clean shaven Yale Law student from Arkansas might find you and sweep you off your feet.”

“Oh but you see, I’ve already been swept off my feet,” she told him. “He’s smart and sweet and he does things to me that would make a clean shaven Yale Law student blush.” She took her plump bottom lip between her teeth.  “Think you can compete with that?” 

“Hillary,” he groaned.

“Yes Bill?”

“Why don’t you let me in and we’ll find out?”

She flicked the lock and he pulled the door open, stepping inside and catching her in two long strides. Her apron hit the floor and before she knew what was happening she was in his arms and he was lifting her feet right off the ground as if she were weightless.  Eye to eye, she instinctively wrapped her arms and legs around him, seeking his mouth with a desperation she didn’t know she possessed.  

“Kiss me,” she demanded. His mouth met hers for the first time in twenty-two days and it was like a bolt of lightning. Electric. All consuming. Dangerous.  Lips and tongues sliding hotly together, taut bodies pressed close. Their soft moans and sighs piercing the heavy air.  He backed them toward the nearby counter as their kiss continued, sitting her upon it softly and bracing his hands on either side of her hips. But Bill was far from finished. His lips blazed a path from her mouth over her jaw to her ear, nipping the lobe lightly before finding that spot on her neck that he knew would make her weak.  She shivered when he hit it and he smiled against her skin.  He was intoxicated by her - her taste, her scent. 

“God you smell good,” he rasped with a flick of his tongue against her. “Like sugar and spice.”  His teeth nibbled her and she inhaled sharply.

“Billy.”

“Hmmmm?”  

“I’ve got a surprise for you.”

He pulled back to look at her with a grin.  “Mmmm, does it involve you showing me the bedroom?”

Her giggle was like a ray of sunshine.  “That’s later.  But first...”

Hillary reached over on the counter and picked up the pie plate, bringing it in front of them so it was right under Bill’s nose.  He let the heavenly scent fill his lungs. 

“Is that-?”

“Yep, peach pie. Made it myself, from scratch. Rolled out the crust and cut up the peaches and the whole nine.”

Bill’s throat constricted. “You did all this for me?”

She nodded.  “I know it’s your favorite. I thought it might be a nice way to welcome you.”

He was giddy and so absolutely in love with this girl he could barely see straight. “Baby,” he choked.  “It’s incredible, thank you.”  He pecked her lips.

“Well, let’s reserve judgement until after we try it,” she said self deprecatingly.  

“What are we waiting for?” 

Bill got a fork from the nearby drawer and sunk it into the middle of the cooling pie with an audible squelch.  His eyes closed as he brought a forkful to his mouth, letting the sweet, rich taste coat his tongue.  It was delicious - fruity with the perfect amount of spice and a thick, buttery crust. He moaned in delight.  

“Hillary!” he exclaimed.  “This is amazing!”

She was beyond delighted.  “Really?” she asked.  “You mean it?”

He filled the fork again and held it to her mouth, just out of her reach.  She leaned forward and her lips closed around it with a hum of anticipation.  He was right, it was good, and she was filled with an overwhelming sense of satisfaction.  

“Mmmmm,” she said.  “You’re right!”  

Setting the plate down, he leaned toward her again, brushing her lips with his thumb. “I think that’s the nicest thing any girl has ever done for me,” he told her as his face drew closer.  Their lips met in another tantalizing kiss, long and slow. The taste of spicy peaches still on their tongues.  Breathless, he pulled back a moment later but rested his forehead against hers.  

“Sweet,” he said as he licked his lips.  Bill picked her up, squealing, and carried her the short distance to the table, allowing her to rest for a moment before urging her backwards to lay across it.  His words whispered over her skin as he began a trail down her body. 

“I wonder if you taste sweet everywhere,” he said softly.  He used a finger to pull down the square neckline of her dress, placing a sloppy kiss between her breasts, breathing her in. Her hands rested on the back of his head. “Delicious,” he murmured against her skin. He pulled down the stretchy fabric further, exposing full rounded breasts with dusky colored nipples that were practically begging for his attention.

Hillary hooked a leg around his waist, back arching against the movement of his hot mouth. She inhaled sharply when his tongue swirled over her peaked nipple, making it harden even further. “Mmm Bill,” her hands slid into his thick short hair, anchoring her to him. Warm sticky wetness pooled between her thighs and her thoughts flew. “Please.” She didn’t even know what she was pleading for.

His mouth moved to the other breast, placing soft kisses on the underside and then licking up to her nipple, sucking it into his mouth. “Mmm,” he hummed around the pebbled peak. She whined softly beneath him, squirming against the wooden table, trying to pull him fully on top of her. Bill released her nipple with a popping sound. “Someone is impatient.”

“I’ve missed this. You. So much.”

“I’m going to take care of you. I promise.” His mouth trailed down her covered abdomen, puffs of hot air piercing her through the light cotton. Elegant hands gripped her thighs, slowly sliding upward until he reached soft lace. “Lift.” Long fingers hooked inside her panties and he slowly pulled them down her legs, tossing them to the floor. He pushed her dress up exposing the inviting pink of her sex, glistening wet just for him. He groaned softly. “You look good enough to eat.”

“Yeah?” she whimpered. 

“Yeah.” His fingertip grazed through her wetness, swirling around the swollen entrance. 

She pressed her heels into the wooden table and let her thighs fall open for him. “Why don’t you?”

“Oh, I will.” Bill bit down on his bottom lip in concentration as he teased her. “I bet it’s even better than peach pie.” His voice was low and sultry. “Want to taste?”

He brought his finger up to her lips, smooth pink tongue flicking over it and then sucking it into her mouth. Hillary moaned softly, closing her eyes as she savored her own taste. Bill’s adams apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, his covered cock twitching, his pants getting impossibly tight. Fuck, she was incredibly sexy. He had never wanted anyone more in his entire life. “Good?”

“See for yourself.”

Bill didn’t have to be told twice. He lowered himself to his knees, his hands pulling at either side of her thighs. He inhaled her heady scent and exhaled slowly, his hot breath caressing her wet, needy sex and making her shiver. “Damn, looks amazing.”

“Lick, baby.”

The flat of his tongue was warm and thick and smooth as he took a languid lap from her sopping entrance all the way up to the sensitive knot of nerves, already engorged. The flavor of her burst on his tongue. She tasted even better than he remembered. And he couldn’t get enough, repeating the action again and again. 

Hillary drew in a shuddering breath and raised her arms above her head, gripping the table tightly. “Yes. Yes. Just like that.”

His wet tongue flicked her clit, circling once slowly before closing his lips softly over it and humming against her.  Two fingers slid easily into tight, velvety heat and he started pumping, in and out as he continued to suck her greedily.

Another lash of his tongue, another push of his fingers and her back bowed off the table, thighs tightening around his head.  “Billy,” she whined, so close to the edge but not close enough. “Mmmmm.” The vibrations of his lips sent her flying and when he curled his fingers up to massage her g-spot, she squeezed her eyes shut and sucked in a breath.  

“Fuck!” Her walls clamped tightly around his fingers, drawing them in as wave after wave rushed through her.  Whimpers turned to cries and a surge of moisture drenched Bill’s fingers and hand as he lashed her relentlessly with his tongue.  

Spent, Hillary collapsed back onto the table with a groan, soothed by the soft, tiny kisses he was placing up and down her inner thigh, how gently he withdrew his hand from her quivering depths.  She sighed, sated. 

He stood on shaky legs and pulled her up to sit on the edge of the table, fastening his mouth to hers in a lazy kiss.  The smell and taste of herself on his lips sent a new tingle between her legs and she slid down Bill’s body to the floor. She needed him inside of her.  “Bedroom,” she said against his lips.

Bill’s hands roughly grabbed her waist, pulling her even closer against him. “That wasn’t enough?” he teased.

“More,” she panted. “All of you.” Her hands skimmed down to his covered arousal, thick and hard beneath her fingers.

He groaned the moment she touched him, his hand covering hers, hips uncontrollably bucking forward. “You want this?” he bit down on his bottom lip, savoring her touch. 

“Yes,” she whispered, her caresses becoming rougher. “So much.”

“I’m so hard…fuck baby, you make me so hard,” he couldn’t stop the groans escaping from deep in his throat.

“What are we going to do about that?” 

“That’s up to you.”

Hillary reveled in the sounds she had reduced him to. “Let’s go to the bedroom,” she said again. 

Bill pushed her hand away from him and grabbed her up, throwing her over his shoulder. Laughter poured from her throat as he quickly made his way toward the bedroom and once there threw her down across the bed.  She landed with a soft thud.

Giggles still bubbled up from her. “Strip.” She leaned up on her elbows to watch him with hooded eyes.

“Is that a request?” he pulled his shirt up and over his head, baring the broad planes of his chest. 

“No, that was an order.”

His trembling hands went for his shorts. Within moments he was naked, sighing in relief to be released from his confines. His cock throbbed before her, hard and thick, the tip purple and weeping. 

Hillary’s eyes followed every movement with interest. She licked her lips, her teeth scraping over the swollen bottom one before biting down. A soft erotic whimper escaped her, liquid trickled down her thighs, and her core clenched in anticipation.

“Like what you see?”

Her breath quickened. “Come here, Billy.”

Bill reached for the hem of her dress, quickly and roughly stripping it from her body and tossing it to the floor, leaving her naked and flushed on the bed. “So fucking sexy.” His eyes slid over her, taking in every delicious inch of her, soft and wet and ready for him. His cock twitched and he groaned. “I’m not going to last, baby.”

“On the bed Bill,” she demanded quietly.

He crawled toward her with the intention of laying overtop of her, but she stopped him with a hand to his chest.  “Sit up,” she urged.  Bill sat in the center of the bed, legs straight, cock jutting proudly up from between them.  He took it in his hand as Hillary climbed in his lap, lifting up on her knees so he could press against her dripping entrance.  “Push up into me,” she pleaded and they both watched as Bill’s hard length was engulfed by her slick walls. 

Her lips went to his ear and he buried his face in her chest as he wrapped his arms around her back.  “Let me ride you,” she whispered as she rose and fell above him.  “So hard...” She bit his earlobe. “And thick...” Then licked it with the flat of her tongue. “I want to slide up and down until I come all over you. Until you come inside of me.”

“Hillary,” he sobbed against her. Sweat beaded on his forehead from the effort of holding back. He was so close to coming that his balls ached, but he needed to get her there first, to push her over the edge again before he took his release.  “Come on Baby,” he begged.  He grabbed handfuls of her hips and pushed her hard into him, causing her to cry out as her still-sensitive clit ground against the roughness of his skin.  He did it again and she tossed her head back with a wail.  “Fuck,” she whimpered.

Bill’s tongue laved her nipple sloppily, over and over as she writhed against him.  “Mmmm,” he hummed and her legs tightened against his thighs, walls beginning to shiver around him.  He sucked and Hillary clamped down hard, letting go all over him.  The feeling of her tight, slippery heat clenching him was enough to trigger his own orgasm and he grunted repeatedly as he spurted deep inside of her.  Their combined juices dripped down onto his groin, hot and thick.

They were covered in a sheen of sweat. Chests still slightly heaving, breaths now coming in longer more controlled puffs. Their fingers loosely intertwined, hearts beating in sync. They were heavy and spent, sleep threatening to consume them. 

“Hillary?”

“Hmm?”

“That was the best welcome gift I’ve ever received.”

She smiled, eyes still closed. “It was definitely the best I’ve ever given.”

Bill laughed, bringing their hands up and placed the soft kiss against her fingers. 

“I meant the pie.” he replied. “Not that this wasn’t incredible because it was, but the pie was…it means so much that you would do that for me.”  His voice wavered, full of emotion for the girl who had stolen his heart so quickly.

She opened her eyes to look over at him. “I’m happy you like it.”

“It’s delicious. We’re going to finish every last bite.” He leaned over and softly kissed her lips. “I love you, Hillary Rodham.”

“I love you too William Jefferson Clinton, and I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for us.”

 

tbc...


	2. Chapter 2

Hillary looked up in triumph at Bill’s approach.  “Yes!” she exclaimed.  “The last of it!  I thought we’d never be done.”

“Just in time,” said Bill as he held up the brown paper bag.  “Your dinner has arrived.”

Hillary rolled her eyes with a smile.  “It was so generous of you to volunteer to go out and get it while I finished unpacking the rest of this place.”  She chuckled.  “Funny, I didn’t think when you suggested Chinese food that you were going to go all the way to China to get it.  It’s been like two hours Bill.”

He helped her up from her place by the bookshelf.  “Forty-Five minutes, Hillary.  Your perception of time is a bit skewed.  Still on Pacific time are we?” He pecked her lips.  “And, I’ll have you know, Taste of China is apparently a hot spot on Sunday evenings.  I had to wait in line for twenty minutes just to order!  You should be a little more appreciative.” 

His mock pout was adorable and she pushed up on her tiptoes to bring their faces closer together. 

“Poor Bill,” she said.  “Let’s eat and then I’ll show you all the ways in which I appreciate you.”  Her lips met his in a longer kiss, full of promise. 

“Better,” he told her. 

Bill set the bag on the table and it automatically slid into the middle. “God, these floors are ridiculous!” he commented.  “Like we’re living on the side of a mountain.”

Hillary’s laughter bubbled forth as she looked for the roll of paper towels she was sure she had put in the kitchen earlier.  “Seventy-Five dollars a month Billy,” she reminded him.  “You’ll just have to use some of those terrific handyman skills of yours to work out a solution.  Surely that big beautiful brain can come up with some ideas.”

He swatted her behind before pulling her to him, her back to his front.  His mouth lowered to her ear.  “Oh I’m full of ideas Baby,” he murmured.  “But it’s not my big beautiful…brain that’s doing the thinking.”  He bit down and she giggled, so enamored with him. 

When he had suggested moving in together after their summer in Berkeley, she had agreed immediately, the thought of not being around him every day too painful to bear.  She’d never felt like this about another person, let alone a man she’d just met mere months ago, but to Hillary, it was love.  Deeper than she thought possible.  And she was pretty sure he felt the same way. 

They unpacked the cartons, giddy with excitement for their first meal in their first real place.  Together.

Hillary twirled the lo mein around her chopsticks and shoveled some into her open mouth, humming in appreciation.  “Heavenly,” she said.  “So good, in fact, I’ll even forgive the outrageous wait time!”

Bill leaned over and snuck some noodles for himself.  “Another great decision by yours truly,” he bragged.  “Told you I was full of ideas.” He waggled his eyebrows. 

“Eat your dinner William,” Hillary warned with a gleam in her eye. 

“Yes Dear.” 

Their laughter reverberated around the tiny kitchen. 

“Hilly,” he teased a moment later.

“Yes Bill?”

“You better take your pill tonight because I’m going to fuck your brains out.”

“You know I always do, Honey,” she laughed.  “And with a classy invitation like that, how could I not?”

 

***** 

Hillary’s eyes shot open, she could feel the bile rising in her throat, and she prayed that she could move fast enough to make it to the bathroom. Just as she hit her knees on the cold tiled floor her stomach see-sawed again and she heaved until her eyes watered and her throat was scratchy. She reached for the lever on the back of the toilet, pulling down, and then tried to stand up. Her entire body felt flush, clammy, dizzy, and a new wave of nausea washed over her.

Bill made his way into the tiny bathroom, already having grabbed a washcloth from the small linen closet in the hallway.

“Hillary?” He turned on the sink and ran some cool water over the cloth, wringing it in his hand.

“Bill.” she whimpered.

He knelt next to her and placed the cool cloth against her forehead. “It’s okay, baby,” he soothed. “I’m here.”

She allowed herself to relax into his embrace. “Thank y…” before she could get the words out she pushed away from him, emptying her stomach into the toilet once more. Hot tears streamed down her face. God, she couldn’t remember ever being so sick.

He gently rubbed her back. “You want some water?”

“Please.” Hillary sat back against the bathtub, thankful for its proximity. The cool cast iron was a welcomed contrast to her overheated body. She swiped at the tears on her face. Everything felt as though it were spinning.

“Drink it slowly,” he told her, appearing back in the doorway. “If you drink too fast it might come back up.”

“Thank you.” She accepted the glass and followed his instructions, drawing in a few deep breaths and slowly exhaling.

Bill picked the abandoned cloth up off the side of the tub and ran it under cold water again. “How’s your stomach feel now?” He knelt in front of her, pressing it first to her cheeks and then to her forehead.

“A little better,” she answered.

“Well let’s just sit here for a while until we’re sure.” Hillary nodded her agreement and Bill wrapped his arm around her, pulling her into him. She rested her head against his shoulder as he gently stroked her hair.

“Bill?”

“Yeah?” 

“I love you,” she whispered. “You take such good care of me.”

He pressed a kiss on the top of her head. “Always.”

When they were relatively sure she was feeling well enough to leave the bathroom, Bill led her back to bed and pulled the blankets up over her. “Warm?” he asked, tucking them down around her.

Hillary gave a slight smile. “Yes, thank you.

He gave her the once over. “You’re pale.” He pressed his hand against her forehead. “No fever though.”

“If you just threw up your dinner you’d be pale too.”

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I’m going to make you some toast. It’ll help settle your stomach. Put a little color back into you.”

“Okay.”

“How about some tea?”

“Not iced.”

He chuckled.  “Not iced,” he agreed. “You just rest. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Ten minutes later Bill came back in and placed the tray down on the bedside table and then sat down on the side of the bed. The sinking of the mattress was enough to stir Hillary from her dozing and her dark blue eyes flickered open, taking in the sight of him. Clad in boxer briefs and an open robe, his hair sticking up everywhere. Such boyish charm.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” His hand gently cupped her cheek. “Go back to sleep.”

“I wasn’t asleep,” she said. “Just drifting a bit.”

“How do you feel?”

“Better,” she replied. “I think it was something I ate.”

“We ate the same thing.”

Hillary gently shook her head. “I had those cheese wantons.”

He shuddered slightly and made a face. “Those things are so nasty. I don’t know how you eat them.”

She pushed herself up in the bed as best she could in her weakened condition.  “Well, I’m never eating them again, that’s for sure.”

“Your color is starting to come back,” he observed. “There’s some pink in your cheeks.”

“That’s because you cocooned me in, Bill,” she smiled. “It’s the middle of August and you’ve got me under all these blankets.”

“You were cold and clammy, I didn’t want you to go into shock,” he teased. “Besides I promised your mother I would take care of you. And that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

“I’ll be sure to let her know.” She motioned toward the tray. “Toast please?”

He reached over and retrieved a slice from the tray and handed it to her. “Bon Appetit.”

“Thank you, honey.” She bit into the dry toast. She wasn’t sure if it was the texture or the taste or the smell. Maybe all three. But once she swallowed her stomach screamed at her.

The sound of her throwing up echoed throughout the small apartment. Bill grabbed another wash cloth out of the linen closet and headed in the bathroom to find Hillary laying across the toilet seat. Tears staining her face and her skin paler than before.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he sat down next to her and pressed the cloth against the back of her neck. “I thought it would help. Maybe you should see a doctor. I don’t want you to get dehydrated.”

Hillary nodded slightly in agreement. In the moment, she would have agreed to absolutely anything to not feel as terrible as she did. “I’ll go over to the student clinic.”

“I’ll come with you,” he offered.

“You’ve got to be on campus,” she reminded him. “I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want to leave you like this.”

“It’s probably nothing, Bill. Maybe the filling in the wantons was sour. It’s not a big deal, really.” She tried her best to reason with him. And the thought of cheese wantons alone made her stomach queasy all over again.

 

***** 

Bill stopped short when he walked into the living room. He definitely hadn’t expected to find Hillary on the sofa but there she was, curled up on the end, seemingly oblivious to his presence.

“Hey Baby,” he called to her.  “How’re you feeling? Did you go to the clinic?”

Hillary’s eyes focused on him but she made no move to get up.  “Better,” she said softly.  “Yeah, I went. It was fucking packed.”

Something in her voice struck him but he couldn’t identify it.  “Ugh, I’m sorry. Did they fix you up at least? You still don’t look all that great, no offense.”

She chuckled, but it held no mirth.  “Thanks Honey,” she said drily.  “She said it was most likely food poisoning.  I’ve just got to wait it out I guess.”

Bill knelt in front of her where she lay, hand soothing over her forehead.  She stiffened and he pulled back to look at her.  “You okay?” She looked like she was about to cry.

“Fine Bill,” she told him.  “I’m just tired and still not feeling all that great.  I think I’m going to go to bed.” She sat up with visible effort, letting her legs fall limply over the edge of the couch until her feet hit the floor. 

“Okay Baby,” he said. “Can I get you anything?  Something to drink at least?  I’m worried you’re going to get dehydrated.”

“A glass of water if you don’t mind,” she said meekly.

“Of course.  Go get into bed and I’ll be right in.”

Her lips brushed against his briefly before she got up.  “Thank you.”

She was in a pair of shorts and one of his old t-shirts when he returned, already on her side with her eyes closed. Covers bunched up around her knees.  Bill set the glass of water down softly, not wanting to disturb her.

“Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome Hilly.” He walked around to his side of the bed and climbed in, automatically shifting closer to her on the mattress, wanting to hold and comfort her.  He was surprised when she drew further away from him.  It was like a punch in the gut but he swallowed it, not sure what was going on but not wanting to make the situation worse.

“Hillary what’s wrong?” he asked. His voice was pained. “Please let me help.”

A soft sigh from her side of the bed, but she didn’t turn around. “I told you I’m tired and sick Bill, I just want to go to sleep.”

“Sure. Goodnight Baby.”  He leaned toward her again, kissing her softly on the cheek.  “I’m here if you need me, you know that right?”

The worry in his voice was her undoing and she turned to face him, placing a soft hand to his cheek.  “I know that Billy,” she choked.  “Everything will look better in the morning.”

Bill kissed her fingertips as she let her hand fall away.  “Sweet Dreams.”

Rolling away from him again, Hillary pulled the covers up over them, needing the weight and the warmth even though it was still hot and humid outside.  She closed her eyes, miserable, praying for sleep to take her but knowing it probably wouldn’t. 

 

***** 

Bill woke up to find her side of the bed unusually empty.  Normally they walked to campus together and then met up later on for lunch, but she was nowhere to be seen.  Classes hadn’t started yet but they had been spending time enrolling and picking up their schedules, figuring out their job situations.

Her glasses were gone from the bedside table, so he took a moment to listen and see if he could hear her moving through the house.  Silence.

_Maybe she had an early appointment_ , he reasoned, rolling out of bed with a sigh.  He guessed she must be feeling better, as she hadn’t woken him at all during the night.  He hoped so; she had just seemed so out of sorts the night before and he had felt so powerless to help her.  A good night’s sleep must have done her good. Hopefully she’d be back in time for lunch.

As he went to tuck the sheet in and pull the comforter up he noticed something sticking out from under the bed.  A small, manila pamphlet with Hillary’s handwriting on the back: _Dr. Vogel, 8am._ He turned it over and did a double take. On the front in bold purple writing it read: _Planned Parenthood: Children by Choice Not Chance!_

He swallowed hard and blew out a breath.  What the hell?

 

tbc...


	3. Chapter 3

Bill splashed some cool water on his face and reached for the hand towel, gently patting his skin dry. He looked up at his reflection in the mirror and sighed heavily, every bit of tension he was feeling visible in the tight set of his jaw and the furrow of his eyebrows.

Everything had been going so well with them. He loved her so much and he knew she loved him too. Their six weeks together in California was amazing, so amazing that they couldn’t bear the thought of being apart. He’d never felt about any girl like he felt about Hillary Rodham.

And now he wasn’t sure what was going on. Less than forty-eight hours ago they were unpacking their stuff, setting up their home, and laughing over dinner. They had christened the dining table and sofa, and then finally their bed. Being with her was even better than he imagined. But her behavior the last day and night had him worried, confounded.

He turned off the bathroom light and made his way back into the small bedroom slowly.  The Planned Parenthood pamphlet seemed to be staring up at him from the dresser, taunting him with its bright lettering and catchy phrasing.  He picked it up again and looked over it, his fingers tracing over Hillary’s handwriting on the back.  Her neat scrawl reminding him of the utter confusion that had only gotten worse since its discovery.

His mind kept turning the previous night’s events over and over, trying to fit the pieces together into something coherent. Finding her on the sofa, her seeming so down, not wanting to talk or be comforted. Her tears as they laid in bed. Something was definitely off with her, but what? It was more than just being sick. More than the food poisoning she told him she had. It was the look in her eyes. Almost like devastation. Like terror.

The idea that mundane tasks would help keep his overactive mind at bay was a good one and moderately successful at first. But even as he washed up some dishes and took out the trash his thoughts kept coming back to the manila pamphlet. It just didn’t make sense for her to have it. Nothing made sense. Nothing. He needed answers. Answers he could only get from Hillary.

He flipped through another page of a law book, unable to concentrate. Laying it down on the sofa, he scrubbed his hands over his face in frustration. He couldn’t focus on school or law right now. He needed something different. Poetry maybe. Yeats seemed to be calling his name from the bookshelf across the room. He retrieved it and flipped through to a random spot and began reading.

 

  _Leda and the Swan_

_A sudden blow: the great wings beating still_

_Above the staggering girl, her thighs caressed_

_By the dark webs, her nape caught in his bill,_

_He holds her helpless breast upon his breast._

_How can those terrified vague fingers push_ _  
_

_The feathered glory from her loosening thighs?  
_

_And how can body, laid in that white rush,  
_

_But feel the strange heart beating where it lies?_

 

The last line caught Bill’s attention and he sucked in a breath. 

_The strange heart beating where it lies…_

No, it couldn’t be. Could it?

_Strange heart…_

It didn’t make sense. It just didn’t. She had been on the pill since before they were together. And he knew that she took it, he had seen her take it numerous times. There was no reason for her to have that appointment this morning. Not unless it was just a routine thing. But she would have mentioned something to him. She would have, he was sure of it.

So it wasn’t possible, he rationalized.  And yet, she’d been sick starting in the morning yesterday and she’d come home from the doctor acting strange. Fuck, he was going to drive himself insane before he ever got a chance to talk to her.

Blessedly, the front door clicked open just as he was about to start pacing.  He sat up and the book fell to the floor, startling Hillary, who was obviously not expecting anyone to be home.

“Jesus Bill you scared me,” she said.  “What are you doing here?  Aren’t you supposed to be on campus?” She seemed skittish, or was he imagining it?

He leaned down and picked up the book and the pamphlet, quickly tucking it in between the pages so it couldn’t be seen. “Where have you been?” he asked. “You were up and out of here early this morning.”

“I, uh, had an early appointment at the Children’s Center,” she said.  “You were sleeping so peacefully I didn’t want to wake you.”  She was a terrible liar, had been since he’d know her, and he could tell without a doubt she wasn’t being honest with him. But why?

Bill nodded, taking it all in. “Is that right?”

“Yeah.  I’m hoping they’ll let me go over some of their case files, maybe get an idea of the types of cases they work on.” She cleared her throat.  “So, what are you doing here?”

“I see.” He shifted uncomfortably. “So how did your _appointment_ go?”

“I just told you, Bill. I’m going to get some case files. Why are you so interested?” She shifted from one foot to the other, looking past him.

“Just curious.” he said, his fingers toying with the edge of the pamphlet sticking out from the end of the book. “You met with…Dr. Vogel?”

 Hillary blanched and blinked several times in rapid succession. “Wh..what are you talking about?”

Bill pulled the paper from the book. “This is your handwriting: _Dr. Vogel 8 am_.” He held it up for her to see and then flipped it over. “At Planned Parenthood.” His heart was racing, his blood thumping in his ears. He had never been so scared in his life. “Is that where you were, Hillary?” he asked, his voice trembling slightly. “Were you at Planned Parenthood this morning?”

Hillary nodded silently, unable to keep up the façade any longer.  Finally venturing a look at Bill’s face, she saw all the fear and confusion written there and tears pooled in the corners of her eyes.

“Bill, I-“ her voice broke.

“Hillary,” he sighed. “I need you to tell me….tell me what’s going on. Please. Explain to me what all this means because…I’m at a loss, baby.”

She closed her eyes at the last word and Bill could see the tears pouring down her cheeks. “When I went to the clinic…they…they wanted to run some tests…to rule out, you know…other  things.  So they took some blood and they took some urine and then they made me wait.  I wasn’t even sure what they were testing for but they kept asking me questions like ‘ _When was your last period Hillary?_ ’ and ‘ _Are you sexually active Hillary?_ ’ and I couldn’t figure out what was going on…and it just took so long and finally…the doctor came back in and she said…she told me…she...I…” She was stammering like her mouth and her thoughts were misaligned.

He blew out a breath. “Are you….” he began softly. God! Why couldn’t he get the word out? It was a simple word. Just say it. Fucking say it and get it over with! “Are you pregnant, Hillary?”

She whimpered and pursed her lips before continuing, “I didn’t believe her…I…I couldn’t.  I knew it was just food poisoning.  But she shoved that pamphlet into my hand and told me they didn’t handle prenatal visits at the clinic I’d need to go somewhere else.  I went this morning because I needed someone else to tell me…to tell me it was a mistake.” She slumped down on the other end of the couch, defeated.

Bill scooted closer to her. “Hillary…” he reached out for her but she flinched and pulled away. “What did Dr. Vogel say?”

She took in a shuttering breath and let it out slowly.  “They repeated the test and the results are the same. I’m pregnant.”  She looked over at Bill from the corner of her eye, afraid to turn fully in his direction. “Say something. Please.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “I just don’t understand how this happened,” he said. “I mean you’re on birth control. How could you be pregnant?”

“I have no idea!” she shouted, bolting up off the couch to pace the floor.  “She said the pill was 99% effective in preventing pregnancy when used correctly. I don’t know, I must be the 1% where it didn’t work.” Tears dripped off her chin. “I don’t understand any of it.” 

“And you haven’t missed any doses?” he asked.

“No!” Her voice got higher, digging in her purse and fishing out her pill packet, then tossing it to him so he could check for himself.  All the right pills had been taken. “And I took it the same time every day, just like I’m supposed to. Just like I have for years.  And I even had bleeding last month which I thought was a period.  I have no fucking clue how this happened Bill!”

“Okay.” He exhaled heavily, trying not to sound as panicked as he felt. “Let’s just take a breath here.” His mind was racing faster than he could keep up with. He knew she wasn’t lying, she had no reason to.  He’d seen her taking her pills, she’d been regular with them.  She did have bleeding the previous month. He knew that she was just as confused as he was. Probably even more so. She was the one who was pregnant. Pregnant with his baby.

Bill looked at her. Really looked at her, still pacing back and forth, like if she sat down her world would come crashing down all around her. Her eyes red and puffy, her face tear stained. She was completely devastated. No matter what he was feeling she mattered more right now. He got up from the couch and started approaching her. “Please stop for a second and come here,” he whispered softly. “Let me hold you.”

The closer he came to her the more steps Hillary took backward, her terrified eyes begging him to give her space. “Please, please, don’t.” she cried. “I can’t…not right now…I just need to….”

Her rejection stung. Cut so deep he had to shut his eyes against the onslaught of tears that were threatening. Two days ago they had been so close. Closer than he had ever been to anyone in his entire life. And now she was pushing him away “Hillary.” Hot tears stung his face. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll figure it out.”  He took a breath.  “I wish you’d told me Baby, let me be there with you so you didn’t have to go alone.”

She swiped almost angrily at the tracks on her cheeks. “No need to burden you,” she murmured.  “And besides, I was sure it was a mistake anyway.  Guess I was the one who was mistaken.”

“Hey, you’re never a burden.  Ever.  I want to be here for you.  We’re going to get through this.” 

She sniffled then wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “How?” she asked. “How are we going to get through this? How is this going to be okay?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “I don’t have all the answers…any answers…right now. But we’re in this together. I’m going to be right here with you every step of the way. We made this baby together and we’re going to…”

“No!” she yelled, holding her hands up. “I can’t do this. We can’t do this.”

Bill shook his head, confused. “What?” he questioned. “What do you mean? Why can’t we do this? Hillary…”

Her eyes were downcast. “We can’t have a baby, Bill!” she cried. “I can’t have a baby.” The last words were a whisper, all the fight draining from her as he watched.

“I’m not saying that it’s not going to be hard, but it’s not impossible.” He tried to reason with her. “This is a big shock…for both of us. We can make this work, Hillary.”

Her entire body began to shake with sobs. “I can’t have a baby,” she said again. “I just can’t. Dr. Vogel said…I can have the procedure in New York.”

All the color drained from Bill’s face and his throat clenched. This couldn’t be happening. “Procedure?” he croaked. 

Hillary nodded almost imperceptibly. “Tomorrow,” she said quietly. “It’s…quick. Safe.”

He felt as though the air had been sucked right out of his lungs. He couldn’t take a breath, couldn’t think, couldn’t comprehend any of it. “An abortion?” Tears stung his eyes and he struggled to hold them in.

“It’s the only way Bill,” she sighed. “I’ll have it tomorrow.”

He was desperately trying to control his emotions but it wasn’t working. “Procedure?....It?....You can’t even say the word Hillary.”

She kept talking, barreling on as though she hadn’t even heard him. “Dr. Vogel said I have to have someone to drive me home after…it’s over.  I’ll need to stay in bed for a day but the recovery is relatively pain-free.” 

He couldn’t believe how detached she sounded.  This wasn’t the Hillary he knew.  There had to be some explanation for it; shock, anger, anything to explain this behavior. 

“Say the word Hillary,” he quietly demanded.  He needed to make this real for her.

The silence stretched on, pierced here and there by her wracking breaths, the sounds of her sniffling. 

“Say it.”  He wasn’t trying to make things worse but he didn’t know how else to get through to her.

“Abortion.” It was so soft he almost didn’t hear it. “Tomorrow at 9am.”

Bill scrubbed his hands over his face and blew out another long breath. Their entire lives had been turned upside down. And this was just the beginning of it. “Hillary,” he whispered. “We need to think about this, okay? We need to sit down and really talk this through.”

Talking about it was absolutely the last thing she wanted to do. She just wanted this entire ordeal to be over and as quickly as possible. Pregnancy was the last thing she expected and this news was almost more than she could handle. And having a baby? That wasn’t even an option for so many reasons. They were young, broke.  In the middle of law school with their whole futures ahead of them.  Bill had aspirations of a future in politics. There was no way they could take care of a baby.

Bill moved closer to her, praying that she wouldn’t back away from him again. She was terrified, that much he knew, and seeing her that way tugged at his heart. Suddenly this strong, outspoken, brilliant twenty- three year old force of nature looked young and fragile. “How…how far along?”

“Does it really matter?” She was distancing herself, closing herself off from feeling absolutely anything because fear was strangling her.  Bill could see it in her eyes, in the set of her jaw. 

“It does to me,” he said softly.

He inched closer still.  Approaching her like he would a timid animal, careful and controlled. She didn’t back away, but made no move to close the remaining space between them.

Hillary swallowed. Hard. She really didn’t want to do this. Didn’t want to make any of this seem real. But the look in Bill’s eyes. The sound of his voice. She couldn’t deny him. She just couldn’t. “Between seven and eight weeks.”

Jesus, she was farther along than he expected. Bill furiously calculated in his head.  “So, that would make the due date sometime in March?”

“The nineteenth,” she confirmed, looking at the floor.

Bill was desperate to draw her out, keep her talking.  Maybe if he got her to open up she’d be able to get past her shock and fear.  “So that would mean we conceived….right around the time I came back to Berkeley?”

“Seems like it.” She still wouldn’t look at him.  Her emotions were so close to the surface that one look into his eyes and she’d dissolve again and she couldn’t have that.  Couldn’t afford to let her feelings cloud her judgement.

“Hillary, look at me.” He reached out tentatively, his fingertips brushing along her jawline before tilting her chin up so that he could look in her eyes. “Please,” he pleaded. Slowly her eyes raised to meet his. His heart constricted. The pain in her eyes was almost too much to bear. “I love you,” he whispered. “I love you so much. And nothing will ever change that.”

“I’m sorry, Bill,” she choked out. “I didn’t...I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” Tears poured down her face. Everything hurt so much. “It wasn’t on purpose.”

Bill’s walls crumbled and he let out the sob he’d been holding in since the conversation started.  “Hilly,” he cried. “I never…I…you have nothing to be sorry for baby.” 

He pulled her into his arms, and this time she didn’t resist. She melted into him, wanting so badly to just be loved and protected, to curl up against him and feel the warmth of his embrace seeping into her bones.  She was so cold.  Cold and raw and ragged.  And she knew Bill was feeling the same way.  They needed each other now more than they ever had before.

“I love you,” he repeated, needing her to believe it, willing to tell her time and again until she did.

“I love you too,” she bawled. “And I don’t want to lose you.  I’m so scared and so confused and I don’t know how to handle this!”  She clawed at his shirt, trying to draw him even closer to her. 

“Hey,” he said sternly, tipping her chin up so he could see her face again.  His arm tightened around her, the solid feel of it anchoring them together. “You’re not going to lose me Hillary, do you understand?

She squeezed her eyes shut as a new batch of tears spilled out. “Please just hold me.” she whispered. “I need you.”

Bill pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You have me. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.” His hand gently rubbed her back in soothing circles. “Hil-“

She cut him off. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore Billy,” she begged.  “Please.”

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to relieve some of his tension. “Okay Hillary.  Come on, let’s go lay down for a while, hm? Let me just hold you.  You’re exhausted, you need to rest.”

“Okay.” She sounded tired and weak.

Once in bed, he pulled the covers up over them and wrapped his arm around her middle.  His hand automatically splayed over her abdomen and she flinched a little but didn’t move it, too worn out to protest.  She needed his strength, would need his strength for what was to come.

“Sleep,” he breathed into her shoulder. “I’m here. I’ll always be here no matter what.”

She was almost asleep, drifting, when his soft voice pulled her back.

“Hilly?”

“Hmmm?”

“I want to say just one thing,” he began. “I love you.  More than anything.  And I will support whatever decision you make, but just promise me you’ll take a fresh look in the morning, okay?”

“Mmmm hmmm,” she replied. No words, but she squeezed his hand, letting him know she heard him.

Bill squeezed his eyes shut, fat tears dripping over his lashes again. He felt heavy and numb. “Please,” he mouthed, to no one in particular. 

 

tbc... 


	4. Chapter 4

The morning sunlight was finally starting to filter through the small window of the kitchen door. Bill had been up so early he had already made coffee by the yellow glow of the porch light and was now pouring himself the first cup. He had needed something to do, something to busy himself with other than thoughts of their impending trip to the city. 

After adding his cream and sugar he sat down at the small table, the warmth from the liquid seeping into his hands through the ceramic of his mug.

Hillary was still sleeping. And she had been since yesterday afternoon. At first, he had just watched the rise and fall of her chest. The way all the worry and fear melted away as she slipped into a peaceful slumber. His hand still splayed across her abdomen, warmth radiating from her. Imagining the life that was growing inside of her. A life that they had unknowingly and against the odds created.

He had drifted off to sleep only to be awoken sometime later by the mattress shifting. He didn’t know what time it was, just that it was dark and the only thing lighting the path was a small lamp from the living room. Hillary had made her way to the bathroom and then back, settling comfortably beside him again, her heat still on the sheets. He reached out for her, drawing her into his arms and gently stroking her hair. She fell right back asleep, her long even breaths caressing his chest.

It was a little after four when he awoke again, flooded with anxiety. They would possibly be leaving in a little more than two hours and the thoughts running through his mind wouldn’t allow him to close his eyes. He had asked her to sleep on it. To reconsider things in the morning and whilst he knew that she was thinking of their futures, he longed for her to change her mind. For her to want to keep their baby. The whole situation had thrown them both for a loop and Bill worried that maybe shock, more than anything, was driving her. He hoped against hope that perhaps she’d be able to gain a new perspective, to not do something permanent that she may end up regretting.

Supporting Hillary was the most important thing to him and always would be. It was her body and ultimately her decision and he could never ask her to do something so selfishly. And she had made excellent points. They _were_ young. Broke. Still in law school. He knew that she was bright enough and bold enough to do absolutely anything she wanted to do. Champion for the underdog. Advocate for women and children. She had such determination and passion. He wanted amazing things for her. And he knew she wanted the same for them.

Could all of their plans come to fruition with a baby in the equation? Maybe not. But he couldn’t help but think that everything happened for a reason. That if, against one percent odds of conceiving a child, they had still managed to do so, perhaps it was fate whispering in their ears.  He chuckled despite the seriousness of the situation.  Hillary was more of a pragmatist than someone who believed in fate and she’d probably tease him for even thinking such things, but it’s exactly where his thoughts were leading him. 

“Bill?” she called out softly from the doorway. He didn’t answer, just continued staring blankly into his half-empty coffee cup.

“Bill,” she said, louder this time. She had startled him, she could tell. He was deep in thought and a million miles away. Finally, his eyes raised and focused on hers in the soft daylight of the room.  She noticed how tired he looked. Noticed the slump of his shoulders, like he had the weight of the world on them.

“Hey,” he said quietly.

“Hey,” she replied, managing a small smile.  “How long have you been up?” She made her way into the small kitchen, not knowing whether to sit or stand.

“I’m not sure,” he answered honestly. “Coffee’s fresh, though. Want a cup?”

“I better not,” she told him. “My stomach’s still not feeling that great. I think I’ll try some tea instead.”

She walked over to the cupboard, facing away from him as she pulled a box of chamomile tea bags out. With her back to him, she took a long, deep breath.

“How did you sleep?” he asked.

Was this what it had come down to? Small talk? Awkwardness? And all because he was afraid to come out and ask her the question that had been plaguing him since he’d shot up in bed earlier. Too afraid of her answer. And the longer he put it off the longer he could live in his fantasy.

Her teaspoon clanked in her cup as she stirred some honey in. “Pretty well,” she answered, licking the sweet liquid from the spoon. “I was so exhausted.”

Bill nodded and looked back down into his coffee. “I’m glad you got some rest.”

Hillary moved around the table and sat down across from him, her two hands wrapped around the mug. “Me too.” Her eyes drifted about the room from point to point, finally settling on a space in the middle of the table, anywhere but on him.

The clearing of his throat brought Hillary’s eyes to his.  “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Queasy.” She took a sip of her tea as if in answer.

“I meant about…everything.” 

She sighed heavily.  “Oh.” Her fingers tapped the outside of the cup. “Bill-“

“I just wondered if you had thought about all of your options,” he said softly.  The last thing he wanted to do was upset her again but he needed to know.

“I have.” Her eyes dropped back down to the table, not wanting to see the hopeful look on his face. “And my feelings haven’t changed.”

Bill swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Okay.” He pushed his chair out from the table and emptied the rest of his coffee into the sink, taking a moment to collect himself. On his way by her he paused, kneeling in front of her and taking her hands. They felt cold, even though she’d been gripping the hot cup.

“I understand,” he said, giving them a squeeze, trying to convey that he really did while inside his heart was breaking. 

His warm lips pressed to her cheek.  “I’m going to take a quick shower before we get on the road.”

She nodded, afraid if she tried to speak, her tears would start all over again. She blinked furiously to keep them at bay and looked past his shoulder.

“I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

And with that he was gone and she was left to her thoughts.

 

***** 

Hillary took a steadying breath and picked up her purse and small overnight bag from the end of the sofa. This was it. When she returned everything would go back to the way it was. She would be back to her old self and she and Bill’s relationship could continue to flourish and grow unimpeded. It would be another week before classes started and she had so much to do. She had to get back into a routine, surely that would help things go back to normal, to help them put it all behind them and get on with their lives. 

The cool morning air hit her when she opened the front door and made her way down the steps. Bill was leaning up against the passenger’s side door of the car, waiting for her to come out and he opened it as she approached. “You have everything?”

“Yeah,” she breathed out, trying not to let her anxiousness show.

He took the bag from her hand, leaving her with just her purse. “I’ll throw it in the trunk,” he said, watching as she climbed inside the car. “Good?”

“Thank you,” she managed.  Her stomach was churning and she wasn’t sure if it was her nerves or the morning sickness.

Bill tossed her bag in the back and closed the trunk as she settled into her seat, purse clutched in her lap. Bile was starting to rise in the back of her throat and she swallowed quickly and repeatedly to try to keep it down. _Breathe,_ she told herself. _Once we start moving, you’ll feel better._

The driver’s side door slammed shut and Bill climbed behind the wheel, turning the key in the ignition until the car turned over and the engine revved. Hillary closed her eyes and tried to let the vibrations soothe her but it was futile; her traitorous stomach roiled, saliva pooled in the pockets of her cheeks and her eyes started to water.

He shifted into first gear and let out the clutch allowing the car to lurch forward a little, much like the contents of her stomach. “Stop!” she called out, holding a hand over her mouth.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, concern evident in his voice as he slammed the gearshift back into park.

“Gonna be sick,” she managed and threw the door open. She scrambled quickly back into the house.  Her weak legs carried her toward the bathroom and, like déjà vu, she dropped to the floor just in time to vomit violently into the toilet. Over and over it continued until she felt completely empty.

Hillary clutched her stomach as she lay on her outstretched arm over the toilet.  Something was shifting in her, there was no other way to describe it. Thinking about the reason she was kneeling there on the bathroom floor, it clicked. A baby. She knew in that instant she couldn’t go through with her plans and as soon as she realized that the floodgates opened and great, heaving sobs wracked her body.

Bill could hear her crying as he walked through the house, his steps gaining speed as he got closer to the bathroom.

“Hilly?” he said as he came in the door.

She looked up at him, tears running down her face, and shook her head.

“What is it Baby?”

“I can’t do it,” she cried. 

Bill’s heart skipped a beat and a surge of pure adrenaline shot through him.  “Can’t do what Hillary?” he asked tentatively. 

“I can’t have the procedure Bill,” she bawled, taking in a gulp of air. “I’m sorry.”

He knelt down beside her, wiping her cheeks and pushing her damp hair back behind her ears. “Sorry? For what?”

She grabbed onto his wrists desperately.  “For being so confused,” she sniffed. “For not knowing how to handle any of this.” Her eyes fixed on his. “For this whole situation.” More droplets spilled over her lashes and she blinked them away.

God, his heart was breaking for her, but at the same time it soared knowing she had changed her mind. “Sweetheart,” he croaked. “Please stop apologizing. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”

She shook her head quickly to try to clear her thoughts. “Bill-“

“Baby, it’s okay.  I told you last night and I’m telling you again, we will find a way to make this work.”

“You don’t understand,” she told him quietly.

“You can’t have the abortion.” He nodded to confirm his words.

“No, I can’t,” she agreed. “But we still can’t keep this baby.”

His stomach clenched and he swallowed, hard. Everything was upside down again. “Adoption?”

“Yes,” she said, softly. “We have the opportunity to help out a couple that desperately want to have a child. And not only that, but we’ll be giving him or her the best possible start in life. That is the most important thing, Bill.”

Abortion was definitely off the table and for that he was eternally grateful. But now adoption was on. The options didn’t even need to be weighed. She was still going to carry their baby. That gave her plenty of time to change her mind, to become attached to the child growing inside of her. Hell, Bill was already attached and it had only been two days. But if, in the end she still wanted the baby to go to someone else, he’d stand by her decision. For now, he was just relieved that the decision wasn’t being taken out of their hands completely.  

He pulled her against him and pressed a kiss on top of her hair. “You’re right, Hillary.” he agreed. “The baby is what matters most in all this.”

She burrowed further into his embrace, so badly wanting the warmth and the comfort that he had been providing her since the moment he’d found out. “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you, too.” He gently stroked her hair as he let her declaration of adoption wash over him fully. He couldn’t help but hope that the more the pregnancy progressed the more attached she would grow to their baby. Hillary had a big heart, full of love and kindness, and compassion. And Bill was counting on that.

“Bill?” Hillary pulled back to look up at him, eyes wide.  “Are you sure you can do this?”

“Do what?”

“Be here with me throughout this pregnancy?” she asked. “Knowing that we’re not going to be able to keep him or her.” She swallowed. “I know it’s a lot to ask, I would understand if-“

His eyes locked with hers. “Shhh,” he said. “I promise you I’m going to be here with you every step of the way.” He caressed her cheek. “I’m not saying things aren’t going to be hard but when the time comes I will respect and honor your decision. We’re in this together Hillary, okay?”

“Okay.” she nodded gently and snuggled back into him.

She knew this was going to be a long road but if she had to do it there was no one else in the world she would rather have by her side.

 

Tbc…


	5. Chapter 5

Hillary looked from the chalkboard down to her notebook, scribbling a few notes as the professor was talking. As she did, she felt an odd movement in her stomach. A sort of light fluttering, but different than the butterflies she felt if she was anxious.  More like something was kissing her insides softly. At first, she dismissed it but then there it was again. Her heartrate sped up and the movements increased. 

She fought the instinctual urge to touch her abdomen. To lay her hand over the slight swell of her belly where the baby inside of her was growing. Moving. For the past nine weeks she had been pushing her emotions down, detaching herself, ignoring the changes in her body. Pretending like everything was fine and completely normal.

The harder she tried to concentrate the more she felt the movement. Her heart clenched, she felt as if she were suffocating. She had to get out of there. The walls of the lecture hall were starting to close in on her. A glance to the clock told her there was way more time left in the class than she could possibly bear.

Her thoughts were now consuming her. Strangling her. This was no longer something she could ignore. This was real. The baby was real. In five months she was going to give birth to the tiny person that she and Bill had created. She took a deep, steadying breath and tried to refocus. Calm her thoughts and her body.

The moment the lecture was over Hillary grabbed her things and bolted for the door, even ignoring a friend calling out to her. It was her last class of the day and she was desperate to get home. She knew that Bill would be at work for at least three more hours, he had picked up some odd jobs here and there tutoring a few evenings a week, and she would have some time to herself. Time to sort everything out as best she could and get herself together before he got home.

She entered through the kitchen door and flipped on the light. Twilight came earlier now and the autumn days were getting shorter and colder.  Luckily for her that meant oversized sweaters and bulky scarves to help hide her growing body. An illusion created to fool not only other people, but also herself. And most certainly Bill. She knew how hard this was for him. He didn’t have to say it, it was written all over his face.

Again she felt the whispers of something in her belly as she hung her jacket over the back of the dining room chair and tossed her book bag down on the table. Taunting her. _I’m here_ , they said. _I’m real. You can’t pretend anymore._ Hillary’s hand pressed lightly into her abdomen over her sweater and she couldn’t decide if she was trying to conjure up more of those little flutters or make them go away.

Heading into the bedroom, she slipped the garment over her head and went to hang it back up in the closet when she caught her reflection in the mirror there. She’d made a habit of not looking at herself much over the last couple of months, not wanting to see how different she appeared in such a short time, but now she found herself drawn to that reflection.

She kicked off her shoes and let her long skirt fall to the floor so she could step out of it, leaving her in just her bra and panties.  Curious, she reached around to unclasp the bra and tossed it on the bed.  She turned back to the mirror and gasped.

“God,” she whispered, completely unprepared for what she saw.

Starting from the top of her head, she began to take a good long look at herself, at what she’d hidden away the last nine weeks. Her hair was longer and shinier. Lustrous. Thick.  She noticed it looked wavier than normal and she pulled a strand between her fingers and touched it to her lips, almost like she didn’t believe it belonged to her.

Her cheeks were flushed and she wasn’t sure if that was from the nip in the air outside or if that was the “glow” that generations of women before her had referred to. Either way, her skin appeared dewy and soft. She pinched her cheeks. Did they look fuller, or was she imagining it?

Wide eyes travelled from her face down to her breasts, hanging pendulous without the support of her bra. Aside from the morning sickness and fatigue she’d felt early on, the changes in her breasts were the most noticeable to her, and definitely to Bill.  They were larger, fuller.  The nipples darker.  Roadmaps of blue veins stretched underneath their pale skin from the increased blood supply pumping through her body. And sensitive, God were they sensitive. She was glad the early tenderness had disappeared, leaving behind responsiveness that she was still getting used to.  To cold, to heat, to touch, especially to touch.  She cupped them in her palms and felt their weight, so much heavier than they had been.

And finally, when her eyes and hands came to rest on the slight protrusion of her abdomen, tears pooled in the corners of her eyes.  She could feel it, the little bump that was their baby. The small arc that started just around her belly button and curved downward. She turned to the side and there it was, reflected back at her.  Her hands surrounded it, cradling it and pressing into the soft flesh as a cry left the back of her throat.  Salty droplets spilled over her lashes and down her cheeks and all the while she stared, transfixed. Their baby. Hers and Bill’s. And as if she needed reminding, another tickle inside. _I’m here. I’m real_ , it said again.

The slamming of the kitchen door startled her. Was it that late already? Or was Bill home early? Either way, she needed to get herself together. She was a mess.

“Hillary,” she heard him call.  “You home Baby?”

“Just a minute.” She cleared her throat before answering, trying to disguise the roughness in her voice. Quickly throwing her discarded sweater back over her head and pulling up her skirt, she ran her hands through her hair and over her face, wiping the last of her tears away before Bill appeared in the doorway. 

“Hey,” she said as she closed the closet door.  Her voice sounded shaky, even to her, but Bill at least pretended not to notice.

“Hey yourself,” he said with a smile.

She padded over to him in her bare feet, standing on her tiptoes to give him a light kiss.  “I didn’t think I’d see you for another couple of hours yet.”

Bill brushed her hair back off her shoulders as she looked up at him.  “My student cancelled today.  Had some family thing to go to so I picked up dinner on the way home. How are you feeling about Greek these days?

Hillary’s eyes lit up.  “Basel’s?”

“Mmmm hmm.”

“Gyros?” Her voice was hopeful.

“Yep, extra tzatziki.”

“God I love you,” the told him as they exited the bedroom.

She parked her emotions for the moment, once again realizing how lucky she was to have Bill in her life, thankful for his gentle support and his never-ending thoughtfulness. 

 

*****

The lamplight from the street outside gave their bedroom a soft glow. Just enough where they could see each other’s faces in the dark. Hillary laid on her side, her hand under Bill’s tee shirt, gently stroking a path over his chest with the tips of her fingers then back and forth just above the waistband of his pajama bottoms. 

Guilt was eating at her. Even more so than it had been in the past few weeks. Now that she had actually felt their baby move, had seen the changes in her body, the weight of that guilt increased. Bill had been so patient, so kind, so understanding. Maybe too understanding. And she wasn’t sure she deserved any of it. Not when she was going to hand his baby over to someone else at the end of this journey. 

He had found ways to help her combat morning sickness and held her hair back when they sometimes failed. He had murmured words of love when she didn’t feel as though she deserved them. He was there for her again and again not only physically but emotionally as well. He understood when she needed space and gave it to her no questions asked, but also seemed to know when she needed to be held and did it without hesitation. Dried her tears without pushing for an explanation for them, because she sometimes didn’t have one.

“Thank you for bringing dinner home.”

“I’m just glad you were able to enjoy it,” his fingertips caressed the back of her hand. “I was afraid with Asian being a no go that Greek might be as well.”

“No, it was perfect.” she smiled. “Really hit the spot.”

“Are you craving anything?” he asked, tentatively. “Because I don’t mind…”

“Not really.” she interjected. “Although I’ve really grown fond of pickled jalapenos.”

Bill chuckled. “I never knew they complemented so many things.” He had seen her eat them on so many foods the past few months, smiling on the outside although most of the time the idea of them made him cringe.

“Sometimes things just need a little kick.” She laughed at the look on his face. “You’re just going to have to trust me on this.”

He feigned disgust and her laughter got louder. “If you say so.”

“I do.” Her fingers slid under the waistband of his bottoms. At first, she caressed over the indentations of the elastic band but then her hand slipped lower, fingertips swirling through coarse hair.

He drew in a sharp breath and closed his eyes. “What are you doing?”

They were still intimate, two or three times a week, but not like it was before…the pregnancy. Before they found out about the pregnancy, when they had made love once, sometimes twice a day. He still wanted her, more than anything he wanted her, but he understood that she didn’t always feel the best and that she got tired more easily.  The last thing he wanted to do was pressure her.

“Touching you.” She felt his abdominal muscles tighten under her ministrations. “I love touching you.”

Bill licked his lips. “I love touching you too.”

“Mmm.” She pushed down further and she wasn’t surprised to find him starting to harden. Her fingers stroked up and down his length, loving the feel of him as he grew in her hand. Silky smooth skin, the thickness and the gentle throbbing that came as his blood rushed. The protrusion of veins and the swelling of the mushroomed head had her clenching her thighs together, trying to stave off her desperation for him.

She squeezed then swirled her thumb around it, biting her lip as she felt fluid start to leak from the slit. “Feel good?”

“So good,” he husked. “Come here.” He pulled her closer and tipped her chin up so their lips met, opening his mouth so her tongue could sweep inside languidly. She moaned into it, careful to angle her lower body away from him, not escaping his notice.

“I can make you feel even better,” she said against his lips, climbing between his legs on her knees, starting a trail of wet kisses down his trembling stomach.  Her fingers tickled over his sides momentarily until finally her hands and mouth met at the hardness of his cock.  She circled the base with one hand while her lips closed around the dark tip, tongue flicking out to lick the salty liquid there.

“Hillary.” His hand rested gently on the back of her head as she sucked him and he sunk his fingers into her hair, fisting lightly. Her mouth on him felt incredible but he didn’t want to come like that.  He needed to be inside her, close to her.

“Hmmmm,” she hummed around him, taking him further down her throat.  

His grip on her hair tightened. “Baby stop.”

He could see her in the low light, looking up at him from under her lashes as she let him slip from her mouth. “What’s the matter?”

“I want you,” he told her.

Hillary licked her lips as she crawled up his body, hovering over him on all fours. “You have me.”

Long elegant fingers brushed her cheek before tucking her hair behind her ear. “What do you want?”

Reaching behind her, she gripped his length again, holding it to her entrance as she began to sink down. “This,” she whispered, taking him inside of her slowly.  

Her nightgown pooled around them, obscuring the view and Bill began to slide it up her thighs with the intention of slipping it over her head. She stilled his hands. “Leave it on Honey,” she pleaded. “I’m so cold.”

“Okay,” he agreed.

He didn’t want to push her but he knew what she was doing, knew she was attempting to hide her body from his view. The swelling of her breasts had been one thing, she relished his touch there, but her expanding abdomen was a different story. Although he hadn’t seen her bare in the light he had felt it against him the past few times they made love. A small slope from her belly button down, her skin taut and her muscles hard.

He tried to settle his hands on her hips, but Hillary took them in hers, threading her fingers through his and using the leverage as she began to move. The gentle rise and fall of her hips over him had her whimpering almost instantly. “Feels so good.” She ground down into him, stimulating her swollen clit. Her head fell back as she rode him. “Oh, Bill…”

He thrust lazily into her, loving the feel of her so incredibly tight around him. Her wetness dripped out of her with every rise of her hips, soaking his groin. “You’re so sexy.” His hips chased hers. “Beautiful. God, you’re beautiful.”

“Harder,” she rasped, trying to blot out his words. Words she didn’t deserve. Words that pulled her guilt right back to the surface. Her movements increased in speed and she had to squeeze her eyes shut to stop the tears that were threatening.

“Love you Hilly.” He slammed up into her. “Love you so much.”

A cry tore from her throat as her walls began to shiver around him.  “Bill…” she moaned. Thighs trembling and muscles clenching, she came hard, pulling Bill deeper in her grip. Her face wet with the tears she’d tried so hard to fight.

Bill didn’t notice though, her orgasm having pushed him right to the edge.  He rolled her under him gently, grabbing the back of her thigh and wrapping her leg over his hips. “So close,” he grunted.  Four more thrusts and he was coming, releasing himself into her body with a long, loud groan and then collapsing on top of her.

Hillary panicked.  Even in her post-orgasmic haze she knew he must be able to feel the little ball of her belly against his own. She pushed at his chest. “You’re crushing me,” she said with a nervous laugh.  

He pulled out of her with a sigh and shifted onto his back, trying to tuck her into the crook of his arm, but she pulled away. She lifted up on her elbow beside him.  “I’m going to go clean up,” she said, kissing him lightly on the lips. “I’ll be back soon.”

In the bathroom she turned the water on as hard as it would go, trying to mask the sound of her sob as she sat on the toilet and buried her face in her hands.  What the hell was happening to her?

She tiptoed back into the bedroom and stopped at the side of the bed. Bill had dozed off, arms behind his head under the pillow, breathing deep and even. His face looked so relaxed and serene. Hillary found herself thankful, relieved even. She slipped under covers as softly and quietly as possible, turning on her side away from him. Eyes closing, her hand skimmed briefly over her belly, smoothing her gown down over her hips. Her thoughts calmed, limbs growing heavy with sleep until finally she succumbed.

 

*****

The shifting of the mattress stirred Bill from his sleep. He glanced over at Hillary, but she was still sound asleep, settled away from him on her back. He rolled over onto his side to be closer to her and pressed a gentle kiss against her temple. It had been a difficult few months and he knew that things would only get tougher as the pregnancy progressed.

His hand slid under the covers, seeking out her lower abdomen and gently resting his large hand over the taut swell. She had been crying when he came home earlier, he could tell from the redness of her eyes and the flush in her cheeks. Her emotions were precarious and upsetting her was absolutely the last thing he wanted to do, so he found himself looking the other way at times, not wanting to rock the boat. But now, the feel of their baby under his palm conjured up emotions in him that he had been bogging down. And the dam burst.  He bent his legs and pushed the covers down, shifting in the bed so his face was closer to her midsection.

Bill tried his best to swallow his sobs, not wanting to wake her. He loved her more than anything in the world and had promised to support any decision she made, but it wasn’t always easy. He was already so taken by the life that was growing inside of her. By how quickly it had changed her body and how effortlessly it had found a place in his heart.

“Hi little guy,” his voice was soft, barely a whisper. “I’m your dad. I hope you know how much I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I found out about you. At first I was scared. I guess I still am, but in a different way than your mommy. We’re trying to do the right thing here but sometimes we don’t always know what that is.” He took a shuddering breath. “I really want to be supportive of your mommy because she means more to me than anything else in the entire world. She wants you to have a good home with parents that want you and are ready for you. But between you and me, I don’t want to let you go.” He exhaled through his nose with a whimper.

Hillary blinked several times in rapid succession. The weight of his hand was pressed lightly against her abdomen and she found it oddly soothing, almost satisfying. She could hear Bill whispering and it took her a moment to figure out what he was saying. Finally, it clicked in her sleep induced haze. He was talking to the baby. Her breath caught in her throat and tears stung her eyes. She fought with everything she had to remain still and quiet.

Silent tears poured down Bill’s cheeks, his voice growing thicker. “I hope you’re just like her, your mama.  Know why? She’s the kindest person I know. She’s always thinking about others, wanting so much to help people. They don’t always see it, but then they don’t know her the way that we do, do they?” he sniffed. “I keep hoping and praying that she’ll come around, that she’ll let us keep you and we can be a family.  I know she’s really scared right now and she wants to do the right thing for you. But she loves you, I can tell she does. If she didn’t then she wouldn’t be so determined to give you the best life possible even if that means she’ll get hurt in the end.” His hand gently caressed back and forth, feeling the warmth under his palm.  “I can’t wait to meet you, little man.”

He bent further, placing his lips lightly over the outside of her nightgown. “Good night,” he whispered, then straightened up and dried his eyes with his hands.   He rolled onto his other side, needing what little space that afforded him in the bed.

Hillary lay stock-still on her tear-soaked pillow, listening to the sounds of Bill sniffling from the other side of the bed.  Hearing him talk to the baby, how he poured out all of his feelings; love, fear, desire to be a father, it had shattered her heart.  And even more so to think that she’d been so wrapped up in her own denial that she had failed to see how this was tearing his sweet, gentle soul apart. 

His breathing finally evened, signaling sleep, and she let out the strangled breath she’d been holding. Sleep for her would prove elusive that night. 

 

tbc...


	6. Chapter 6

Hillary reclined on the sofa, hand absently resting on the small shelf of her abdomen over her sweater. It was something she found herself doing more often in the past few weeks, even unconsciously. The larger her stomach grew the less she could ignore it, as hard as she sometimes tried. Between her belly suddenly popping out and the insistent fluttering that was only growing stronger, it was becoming downright impossible to hide.  

She had read the same paragraph at least three times, but Criminal Law and Administration was about the last thing she wanted to be reading at the moment.  In fact, she didn’t want to be studying at all but Thanksgiving break was fast approaching and there was a paper due the day before.  She sighed and picked up the book again, making a valiant effort to concentrate.  Studying at the dining room table had become harder of late, as she found her back getting sore more easily and, though she hated to admit it, needed the comfort of something soft behind her while she sat.

Vaguely aware of the phone ringing in the distance and the sound of Bill’s voice greeting the caller on the other end, she turned her eyes back to the page, trying like hell to push through what was left of the chapter. She wanted nothing more than to close that book and be done with it for good.

His heavy footsteps approached a few moments later and she could tell even by the way he was stomping into the room that he was annoyed. Things between them had grown…awkward. Uncomfortable. The more the pregnancy progressed the more distant Hillary became. And after hearing Bill talking to the baby that late October night, her guilt had been eating her alive. 

“What’s the matter?” she asked as he stood across from her with his arms folded. She didn’t even bother looking up. Facing him was getting more difficult with each passing day. He wanted their baby. And she was taking his choice away from him.

Bill sighed.  “Just had a very interesting conversation,” he began.

Hillary rolled her eyes internally.  She hated when he was so cryptic. “Are you going to tell me about it, or am I supposed to guess?” she bit back.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, clearly trying to control his temper.  “That was Pastor Covington.” He looked pointedly at her. 

Her heartrate sped up, her throat constricted a bit. Every time she thought about meeting with the pastor, Bill’s words would ring so loudly in her ears that it drowned out everything else. Including logic and reason. Giving their baby the best possible start in life was the right thing to do, so why couldn’t she seem to do it? 

Hillary feigned ignorance. “Yeah, what did he have to say?”

“Said he was glad he caught me,” Bill continued. “Since it seems you’ve been avoiding him.”

She spun on the couch and put her feet on the floor. Her defensiveness sprung to the surface and that prebuilt wall went right back into place. “What does that mean?”

“I was hoping you could tell me, Hillary.” He shifted from one foot to the other. “The pastor said he’s now made three appointments with you to go over the adoption process, and you haven’t shown up to any of them. Care to tell me what’s going on?”

“I’ve been busy,” she said flippantly.  “I’ve got this paper coming up and I need to get through this book.  I’ll talk to him after fall finals are over.”

Bill was incredulous. “What about the other two appointments you’ve missed Hillary? You’re telling me you can’t find an hour in your schedule to talk to this guy? To get some information so we can figure out how the hell we’re going to handle this?”

His tone was really irritating her and she stood up to relieve some of the tension that had settled in her back. “Jesus Christ Bill, it’s not like we don’t have another four months!  I said I’ll talk to him and I will.  Can you cut me a fucking break please?” 

“Cut you a break?  Hillary, this is important!   We’re over halfway through this pregnancy and we have no goddamned clue how any of this is going to work!  This was your idea, remember?”

Hillary fought to keep from crying. His words cut. Deep. He was already starting to resent her and she wasn’t sure how much longer they could continue on the way they were going. “Wow Bill,” she said, voice dangerously low. “How incredibly supportive of you.”

“I offered to go with you!” he shouted.  “Or are you forgetting?” He stepped closer, gesticulating with his hands. “ _’It’s just a preliminary meeting, Honey,_ ’ you said. ‘ _I’ll get the initial information and then we can meet with him again together._ ’ Except that was two months ago Hillary, and it still hasn’t gotten done!”

Nervous now, she walked up to him and stood toe to toe, her eyes burning. Maybe if she sounded angry he wouldn’t be able to see how terrified she really was.  Terrified that their relationship was approaching the point of no return. “BACK OFF BILL I SAID I’D DO IT!” she screamed at him.  Her chest heaved with the effort of yelling but she refused to look away.

Suddenly, an odd look crossed her face and she gasped, her hands flying to the bulge of her abdomen from where they’d been resting angrily on her hips. Her brow furrowed as she sucked in another sharp breath.

Bill panicked. “What is it? What’s the matter?” he asked frantically. 

Her expression changed from confusion to one of amazement as she grabbed his hand and pressed it to her stomach. “Feel this,” she demanded, her hand covering his. 

A few seconds later he felt it, a soft thump against his palm, then another. “Is that?-“

Hillary nodded, laughing as tears pooled in her eyes. “I guess someone doesn’t like us arguing,” she said softly, all of the anger leaving her as she looked at the wonder on Bill’s face. Her hand caressed the outside of his where they rested against her. “Pretty amazing isn’t it?”

He dropped to his knees in front of her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing a kiss to her covered stomach. “It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt,” he choked, looking up at her with watery eyes. She ran her fingers over the back of his head.       

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, holding him tightly against her. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

Suddenly he was standing in front of her, blue eyes moist and pleading.  His hands slipped into her hair as he brought his face closer and closer until finally his soft lips met hers. He was gentle yet insistent, letting her get used to the feel of his mouth on hers before he coaxed it open and slipped his tongue inside.  It had been a while since they’d kissed, and longer since they’d kissed like this, his love and adoration evident in every little move he made. From the way he cradled her head to the brushes of his thumbs over her cheeks, he was determined to make her understand just how much she meant to him.

Hillary melted into him. Her hands, which had settled on his biceps when he pulled her closer, slid up his chest and around his neck, fingertips running through the thick hair at the back.  All of her fear, her anger and her desire to separate herself from this man were getting lost in the feel of his lips on hers, his tongue against her own.

His hands found the hem of her sweater as they kissed and it took Hillary a moment to realize his intentions. “Mmmm.” She pulled away and grabbed his wrists, laughing nervously.  “Bill,” she warned.

“I know what you’re doing.” His fingers rested lightly at her hips, his now-sad eyes drilling into hers.  “Stop hiding from me, Hillary.”

Her own eyes shone brightly in the light of the room and her heart thudded against her breastbone. She was sure he could probably could hear it.  A breath caught and then she let it out slowly. “I heard you talking to the baby,” she blurted, finally admitting the reason for her aloofness after all these weeks. “You want to keep it.”

“You’re right, I do.” His throat constricted at the look on her face. She was frightened, pure and simple. She went to move away but he pulled her back, voice quivering. “But I love you more.”

Hillary swallowed the lump in her throat as he continued.  “I miss you Hilly,” he choked, squeezing his eyes shut to keep from crying. “I hate this distance between us. Hate that you feel like you have to hide yourself.”

“I don’t want to make this harder for you.” Her voice was raspy and hoarse with emotion. “I don’t want you to look at me and constantly be reminded of what I’m making you give up.”

“I look at you and all I want is to be near you,” he told her. “To hold you and kiss you and make love to you again.”  Tears spilled down his cheeks. “I need you, Baby.”

A sob tore from her throat. “I need you too,” she sniffed.

“Come with me.” He took her hand and led her toward their bedroom. Once inside he guided her to the bed to sit down and knelt in front of her. “I love you,” he took both her hands in his. “And I want to show you how much I love you. Will you let me?”

She looked into his eyes and the amount of love and tenderness she found there made tears spring forth. Oh, how she loved this man. Loved him with every fiber of her being. “Yes,” she breathed out. “I want that more than anything.”

 

Tbc…


	7. Chapter 7

Bill rose to his feet and went to the nightstand on her side of the bed. He retrieved a book of matches and lit the few candles there, then moved toward the dresser and lit those as well. The room filled with a warm intoxicating glow, flames occasionally flickering in the old drafty house. But there was nowhere on earth he would rather be. No one on earth he would rather be with. 

He held is hand out to her, helping her to her feet. “I want us to be whole again,” he whispered. “To be together. Always. And no matter what happens I need you to know that you can count on me.” He guided her hand to his chest, pushing her open palm against him. “Feel that?” he asked. “Feel how hard it’s beating?” She nodded. “That’s for you, Hillary.”

“I love you,” she rasped. “I love you so much. And I want you so much,” she confessed. “I’m so sorry I pushed you away. I’ve just been so afraid.”

“Shh,” he soothed her. “No more apologies. Let’s not waste another minute, okay?” he looked down at her. “I want to show you how much I love you, how much we need each other.”

“I do love you, Bill, so much,” she said again, softly. “And I love this baby too, that’s why I want what’s best for it.”

Bill gently cupped her face in his hands. “I know you do. You’ve put his needs above your own for so long,” he told her. “But now I want to take care of you. It’s past time that you let me help. In every way.” His hands, again, went for the hem of her sweater, but he could sense her hesitation. “It’s okay,” he soothed her. “Let me see you. Please…”

“It’s just that-”

“What is it?” he asked quietly. “Talk to me. Tell me what you’re so afraid of.”

“Things are so different, Bill…I’m different,” she started, struggling to find the right words to convey her insecurities. “My body has changed so much, especially in the past few weeks. I don’t want you to be disappointed.”

“Disappointed?” he questioned, softly. “Oh, baby no. I could never, ever be disappointed in you or in the way you look. You’re carrying a baby, a baby that we made. Your body is doing incredible things and that thought alone makes you even more beautiful to me. Even more desirable.” He paused, taking her hands again. “You have no idea what I see when I look at you.  How my heart just bursts.  How much I want you.”

Emboldened by his words, by his gentle voice, she placed his hands on the swell of her belly under her sweater. “I’m ready,” she smiled shyly at him.

His eyes searched hers. “Are you sure?”

“Undress me Billy,” she pleaded.

Slowly he slid his large hands up her sides, taking her sweater and with them and lifting it over her head, then dropping it to the floor at their feet.  Gazes remained locked on each other as Bill reached around to unclasp her bra. Hillary sucked in a breath and shivered when he drew the straps down her arms, small goosebumps prickling her skin even though the room was warm.

She whimpered a bit, feeling his familiar touch, his fingertips slipping into the elastic band of her skirt. He pulled the flowing fabric, along with her panties, down to the floor and helped her step out of them. Looking up at her face, he found her eyes closed, a slight smile on her lips. A soft kiss was placed just below her belly button before he rose to his feet.

“Open your eyes, Hillary.” he demanded softly. “I want to see you. All of you.”

Dark blue eyes blinked then focused on him. She still felt a little vulnerable, but his tenderness was helping to soothe her, to wash away her doubts. Biting down on her bottom lip, she watched as his eyes traveled over her, taking in every inch of her body, warming her from the inside.  He hummed at way the candlelight danced over her glowing skin, casting shadows in the new curves and valleys created by her pregnancy.           

Hot tears stung his eyes. “Oh, _Hillary_.” he choked out. “God Baby, you’re gorgeous. Just…absolutely stunning.” And she was. Her breasts were fuller, nipples darker against the contrast of her pale skin. They hung almost to the curve of her stomach, which now started just a few inches above her navel and sloped downward, the skin taut, smooth, and radiant. He had never seen anything more beautiful.

“C…can I touch you?” he asked reverently.  Hillary nodded, her breath quickening as he splayed his hand over her swollen belly. “It’s so tight,” he remarked, amazed, when he smoothed his palm over the stretched skin there. 

“Mmm hmmm. And getting bigger by the day.” Her eyes dropped to where his whole hand covered her and she smiled at the look of sheer wonder on Bill’s face. “So perfect,” he said, tickling around her belly button before looking at her again.

Not to be forgotten, their baby chose that exact moment to kick again, startling Bill and sending Hillary into a fit of giggles. “He knows his daddy,” she told him. “He can sense your touch.” Bill stroked her again, and again he felt it, causing a new batch of tears to pool in his eyes. “I can’t believe we did that,” he rasped. “We made a little person.”

“We did,” she smiled. “And against tremendous odds.”

“And I really think that’s a sign, Hillary,” he told her. “That we belong together. All three of us.”

So many emotions overwhelmed her. Fear, anger, love, desire. Everything she’d been feeling for the past few weeks washed over her and suddenly she needed him more than she could put into words. “Please, Bill,” she managed. “I want you.”

He smiled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she tugged at his belt. “Take your clothes off.”

“Don’t be so impatient,” he chided, pushing her hands away and taking over. His jeans hit the ground, quickly followed by his remaining clothing until he stood before her bare except for his socks and his tight, tented briefs. 

“Off,” she demanded. Wide eyes dropped to the prominent bulge and she licked her lips unconsciously. “Mmm.” Her mouth watered for him, her thighs clenched. She was so swollen, he’d barely touched her and she could already feel the wetness coating the outer lips of her sex. Warm and thick.

“Bill.” The desperation was evident in her voice, which was husky and raw.

“Relax,” he told her. He leaned forward to kiss the curve of her shoulder, briefly cupping her engorged breasts as he eased her back toward the bed.  “Lay down, Baby.” His hot breath tickled her skin, lips moving up toward her ear. “Get comfortable.”

Hillary scooted back onto the bed until she felt the soft pillows resting against her back. Her bare legs were bent at the knees and her feet rested on the downy comforter beneath them. Bill stood at the foot of the bed marveling over her, feeling his breath begin to falter.  She was, without a doubt, the sexiest she had ever been, the sexiest any woman had ever been as far as he was concerned. He licked his lips as his eyes roamed over her, stopping at the slight peek of her sex.

“Spread your thighs for me, baby.”

She let her legs fall open and the moment she did he drew in a sharp breath then bit down hard on his bottom lip. He found her darker than before, glistening wet, and incredibly swollen. Unable to hold it back, a low groan escaped this throat. “Damn.”

Bill crawled over her until his lips hovered just above hers, warm breath passing between them, igniting their senses. “I intend to devour you,” he sucked her bottom lip into his mouth and then slowly released it.

“Honey,” she whimpered. “I need you so much it aches.”

Hillary’s body was on fire, skin flushed and burning, heat radiating off of her in waves.  If he didn’t give her some relief soon she was going to scream.

“Please,” she begged.

His lips brushed hers softly but didn’t linger, instead moving along her jaw to her ear. “Patience,” he breathed, flicking his tongue out to nip the lobe. Watching as she trembled beneath him. Moving lower down the column of her neck, he murmured softly against her skin. “Let me tell you what I’m going to do to you.” 

Her eyes fluttered and she mewled from the back of her throat, unable to form actual words anymore.  She couldn’t remember ever being so on edge.

Dipping his mouth between her breasts, he skirted toward a dark pebbled nipple as his hand came up to palm the opposite side, kneading the swollen flesh. “Mmm, still so full and sensitive.”  His lips inched closer. “First I want to suck on them.”  Before she could say a word he closed over her areola, swirling his tongue around it before pulling the hard peak into his mouth and sucking.  His thumb and forefinger rolled the other nipple in time to his mouth, and a cry escaped her parted lips at the bolt of raw pleasure that shot straight to her core.

Bill knew what he was doing to her, relished in the ability to draw out her desire and have her writhing under him.  He eased his mouth away and tweaked both nipples with his fingers, eyes burning into hers in the glow of the room.  

“I’ll make you feel so good,” he promised her, never stilling his hands. “Next I’m going to lick you…taste you on my tongue. Listen to you moan as you come in my mouth.” He licked his lips. “Do you want that Hillary?”

“Y…yes,” she croaked.

“Good. I want to make you come _so_ hard.”

Bill placed a soft kiss to the curve of her abdomen before settling on his stomach between her parted thighs. The warmth of his breath already threatened to engulf her but when his hot tongue licked from her sopping entrance up to her swollen clit she all but came undone.

Her hips bucked and her back arched against him. “Oh, God!” she whined. “Don’t stop.”

Loving the quickness of her response, he repeated the action. The smooth flat of his tongue slid languidly through her thick wetness and then swirled around the quivering bundle of nerves before he lightly sucked it into his mouth.  Her intake of breath was sharp and swift.

He lapped gently at her as her hands threaded through his hair. God, everything was so sensitive. She felt as though she was going to explode with pleasure, every nerve ending firing. Soft moans poured from her lips and then the sweet low chant of his name.

“Mmm Baby,” he hummed, the very essence of her flooding his senses. “You taste so sweet.”

“More!” she begged, holding his head tighter against her.

Bill’s eyes took her in as he grinned, dipping his head again and devouring her just as promised. Licking and sucking and teasing as she writhed deliciously beneath him. Moans and whimpers of sheer ecstasy consumed her, and when he stiffened his tongue and pushed it inside of her, she groaned loudly.

Hillary thrust her hips in time with the jabs of his tongue inside her tight wet walls. She was slipping, she could feel it. With every lash she cried out not knowing how much more she could possibly take. “Oh, God…Bill…I can’t…too much…”

His thumb brushed over her hardened clit and that was it. She was coming, hard, her thick fluids flowing over his mouth and chin as she continued to buck against his face.  She panted and cried in earnest, climbing higher and higher until his name escaped her with a piercing wail.

Bill followed the movements of her hips, staying with her and soothing her with light brushes of his tongue until she flopped back against the pillows with a sigh. She still felt so moist and swollen, her need for him all-encompassing.

“Honey.” Gentle taps on the back of his head urged him up the length of her body, her hands immediately pulling his face towards hers to share a kiss.  Her taste lingered on his lips and tongue and Hillary licked over them, aroused and moaning.

He smiled against her lips. “How’s that?”

“I need more.” Her voice was desperate, hand snaking between their bodies to circle his hard cock, already feeling the precum oozing between her fingers.

Bill squeezed his eyes shut with a groan. “Hillary,” he warned. He was going to come in her hand if she kept that up, he was so turned on.  He needed to sink inside of her, be surrounded by the warm wetness of her, more than he needed his next breath.

She was teasing him now, running the head of his cock up and down her dripping slit and coating him in her moisture.  Eyes wide and plump bottom lip between her teeth. He knew that if he pushed inside he wasn’t going to last long.

“How do you want to do this Baby?” he asked huskily.

Her chuckle ended in a whimper. “I want you to fuck me until we both come,” she told him, voice laced with sex, legs lifting up and bending at his hips.

Bill groaned. She was driving him insane and she knew it. “I don’t want to crush you two.” Stilling her movements, he reached beside her to grab a pillow. “Lift up.” He shoved it underneath her hips, angling them upward and taking some of the pressure off of her growing uterus. “There. Now…”

His knees spread around her buttocks and he slid his hands down the backs of her thighs, settling there as her legs draped over him.  She reached down to guide him home. “Now.”

Warm, wet walls slowly pulled him deeper and deeper, inch by inch until his aching balls pressed against her. Bill had to close his eyes and take a shuddering breath to keep it together. She was tight, so much tighter than the last time they’d made love, and it felt incredible.

“God Hillary.” His gravelly voice was strained. “So goddamned tight. You feel amazing.”

Hillary couldn’t remember ever being so overwhelmingly sensitive. Every veiny inch of Bill’s thick length filled her, throbbed within her and she let out a cry of pleasure as he pressed deeper than she thought possible.

“Fuck,” she breathed, already fluttering around him.

Withdrawing gradually, Bill pulled out until just the tip remained inside of her, then using her hips for leverage, surged forward again. Her breasts bounced tantalizingly with the movement and she reached up to cup them, loving the weight of them in her palms. “Keep going,” she begged.

“So…fucking…good…Baby…” he groaned with every stroke. She was massaging his cock like something he’d never felt. “I’m…gonna…come…”

Hillary’s back arched and she rubbed her thumbs over her dark nipples, a new arrow of arousal racing right to her clit, a new surge of wetness flowing against Bill’s thrusting cock.

She attempted to chase him with her hips but he stopped her. “Let me.” His hands sunk into the flesh of her upper thighs, gripping firmly as he slammed back into her with a grunt. “Fuck…so…sexy.” He withdrew again. “So…ripe…” Then flicked his tongue over the pad of his thumb and circled her clit, languid thrusts continuing in tandem.  

“Oh my God.” Moans and whimpers slipped from her open lips. “Oh God Billy, I’m going to co-“

Her head pushed back hard into the pillow as her inner muscles clamped down around him and a cry tore from her throat. “Ohhh…fuck…mmmm….” she panted with each delicious clench and release.

She was so tight that Bill could feel every little movement inside of her, hurtling him closer to his own release.  His balls seeking and finally finding deliverance as he started to spurt deep within her. “Hillary.” A groan of her name, head tossed back and eyes squeezed shut, he continued to move against her even after he’d spent himself, it felt so fucking intense that neither one of them wanted the sensations to stop.  

Her hips kept bucking lazily against his. “Mmm Bill.” she whimpered. “I needed that so much.”

He sucked in a breath. “Baby, I’ve never come so hard in my entire life.” He smiled down at her. “Feels so good I still don’t want to pull out.”

“So sensitive.” she gasped. “You feel incredible, though.”

Grudgingly, Bill eased out of her with a low groan. “We’ve made quite a mess.”

“Completely worth it.”

He reached for the pillow under her hips and then helped her sit up. “Let’s get you cleaned up. Want me to grab a washcloth?”

“No that’s okay, I probably have to pee anyway.” She rolled off the bed and headed for the bathroom.

Bill busied himself by turning down the bed and gathering up their clothes off the floor. He pulled on a pair of pajama pants and was searching for a t shirt for Hillary when he heard her call out to him. Abandoning his task, he made his way toward the bathroom.

“Need something, baby?” he asked, popping his head inside the door.

Hillary looked up at him, fear in her eyes. “I’m bleeding, Bill.”

“What?” It took a second for her words to register, but the look on her face sent a surge of something through him.

“There was blood when I wiped.” Panic flooded her voice. She reached a trembling hand out to him and he took it, trying to give her some measure of comfort even though he was full of anxiety.

“Okay, just relax.” His heart was in his throat. “A lot?”

“Enough,“ she replied. “And I feel really crampy.” She let out a whimper. “And my belly is hard.”

Bill pulled her up by their joined hands, drawing her into his arms. “Maybe it’s just from the sex,” he suggested. “It has been a few weeks.” He tried to even out his voice, to sound more confident than he felt.

Hillary pulled back and looked up at him. “What if something’s wrong with our baby Bill?” she sobbed. “I can’t lose him.” Her hand went to her distended abdomen, rubbing over it gently, cradling it like the most fragile, precious thing in the universe. “I can’t lose you,” she whispered again, this time directly at their baby.

“Throw some clothes on and let’s get in the car,” he said, pulling her back toward the bedroom. “We’re going to have you looked at.”

He pulled a pair of underwear, sweat pants and a Yale sweatshirt out of her drawer and tossed them to her, then quickly got himself dressed.

Hillary’s movements were automatic, measured. She put on her clothes in shocked silence, trying not to let her fear overwhelm her.  Bill was going to take care of her and that thought comforted her.

“Hold on Baby,” he said as they finally climbed into the car. “It’s going to be okay.”

 

Tbc…


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving to all those who celebrate!

“Hillary.” 

She smiled at him as he entered and he breathed a sigh of relief. Though he hated seeing her in that awful hospital gown, her color was good and she seemed relatively relaxed.  All of which was easing the knot of fear that had settled in the pit of Bill’s stomach the moment she had told him she’d seen blood on her toilet paper.

“What did the doctor say?” he asked anxiously. 

“C’mere.” She scooted over in the bed and patted the space beside her, inviting him to sit next to her.  As soon as he stretched his legs out in front of him she was snuggling into his embrace, wrapping her arm around his waist and squeezing him as tight as her burgeoning belly would allow.

“Baby,” he pleaded. “What’d they say?”

“He did a pelvic exam,” she began.

“And?”

“And he said everything seems fine. The cervix is not dilated or effaced, he didn’t feel any abnormalities.  They took a blood count and he said he’d be back in a few minutes.”

“What about the bleeding?”

She caressed his side. “He didn’t seem concerned. Said he’d talk to me more when he comes back.”

“And how’s the cramping and the hardness?” He put his hand over her abdomen on top of her sterile gown. “Better?”

“I still feel a little achy but the hardness is gone.” She covered his hand with hers. “Can’t you tell?”

He let out a long breath. “Much softer,” he commented, reassured by the warmth under his hand.

Just then the doctor returned, wheeling a cart with a small instrument on top.  Attached to it was a short cord, on the end of which was what looked like a microphone. “Ms. Rodham,” he said. “How’d you like to hear your baby’s heartbeat?”

Bill’s eyes lit up. “Can we do that?”

“Absolutely,” the doctor told him. 

Bill went to get up, barely able to contain his excitement.  Their baby’s heartbeat!  He couldn’t wait to hear it, to hear the miracle that he and Hillary had created. Together.

“No…no, you’re fine, I’ll come around the other side.”

Hillary took his hand as the doctor plugged in the machine then stood next to her. “Can you pull your gown up for me Hillary?” he asked. She used her free hand to ease the soft cotton up over her stomach.

The doctor took a small bottle out of his coat pocket, rolling it between his hands before tipping it upside down over her belly. “This is going to be a little cold,” he said apologetically.  Squeezing the cool gel on her, he used the wand of the Doppler to spread it around, then flicked on the switch and waited for the machine to whir to life.  

_Whomp whomp whomp whomp whomp…_

It sounded to Bill like the hoof beats of a thousand tiny galloping horses were filling the room.  It was the most amazing and beautiful sound he’d ever heard in his entire life.  Loud, strong and fast – tangible, audible proof of their baby’s existence.

Hillary felt as though her heart was going to burst out of her chest with the overwhelming sense of love she felt. The gentle yet determined thump of their baby’s heart filled the entire room and echoed in beautiful reassuring whispers in her ears. Everything she had been pushing down and ignoring the past four months suddenly and abundantly sprung to the surface. It took her breath and a sense of warmth filled her entire being despite the frigid November weather of New Haven.

The offer to hear the baby’s heartbeat had been extended to her during her previous two appointments but she had declined. Getting invested in a baby she wasn’t going to keep was a bad idea. And she was shielding her heart from as much hurt as she possibly could. But now? Now it was the most incredible sound in the entire world and it was forever etched into her memory. Into her heart.

The dam burst and hot tears poured down her face. She was so overcome, so overwhelmed, so completely head-over-heels in love. For so long her fear had guided her. From the fear of being pregnant to the fear of something being wrong with their baby. And she was tired of being afraid.

“It’s so fast.” she said, looking up at the doctor.

He gave a gentle smile. “Completely normal.” he assured her. “You have a very healthy baby, Hillary.”

She wiped at her cheeks and looked over at Bill. “He’s okay,” she whispered in absolute awe. “Our baby is okay.”

Bill smiled through his own tears. “He’s strong just like his mama.” He brought their joined hands up and placed a kiss to the back of hers.

The doctor turned off the machine and reached for a hand towel on the second shelf of the cart to wipe off her stomach. “Everything looks and sounds just as it should,” he assured the two of them. “Healthy baby, healthy mom.  Just the way it should be.”

“And the bleeding?” Hillary asked, lowering her hospital gown.

“During pregnancy your body produces forty percent more blood meaning that blood flow to the cervix and vaginal area is increased. It’s not uncommon for pregnant women to have a little bleeding after intercourse,” he explained. “You may still see some slight spotting over the next few days but it’s completely normal.

“What about the cramping and my belly getting so hard?”

“Well, both orgasm and hormones in the semen called prostaglandins can cause mild uterine contractions, which would explain the crampy feeling and the tightening of your abdomen.  This is also completely normal and nothing to be concerned about.  If it happens again, drink a couple of full glasses of water and keep your feet up for a while, the contractions should stop within an hour.” He cleared his throat. “I do ask that you hold off on any more intimacy until after all the spotting has stopped, though, just as a precaution.”

Bill nodded. “Thank you, doctor.”      

The doctor patted Hillary’s covered leg. “You can get dressed, you’re free to go,” he told her. “I hope we won’t see you again for another four months.

 

*****

“Comfortable?” Bill sat beside her on the edge of the bed, smoothing the comforter over her ribcage and tucking it around the other side.

“Bill.” She gave the pretense of exasperation, but deep down she absolutely relished him taking care of her the way he was. “I’m fine, really.” She rested her hands on his shoulders. “ _We’re_ fine.” 

He gave her a soft peck on the lips. “You must be hungry Hilly, it’s been hours since you ate.  Let me get you something.”

A small grin crept to her lips. “Actually,” she began. “I would love a nice big glass of warm milk.”

“You got it.” He started to get up but she stopped him. “With honey, lots of honey.”

“With lots of honey,” he repeated with a chuckle. “I’ll be right back.”

Ten minutes later he returned, steaming mug in hand. Hillary was still reclining on some pillows against the headboard, hand rubbing gently up and down over the swell of her belly, comforting the little life inside.

“For you.” He handed her the cup and she circled her hands around it. “Thanks Billy,” she told him, taking a sip of the warm, sweet liquid. “Mmmm, perfect.”    

She finished the last of the soothing beverage while Bill changed into his pajamas, flitting about the room nervously and tucking things into drawers. The clearing of her throat stopped his movements and he looked over at her. “You want something else Baby?” he asked with a smile.

Depositing the cup on the nightstand, she crooked her finger at him. “Come to bed and hold us,” she pleaded. There was nothing she needed more than his arms around her, insulating her. Her and their baby. 

Bill couldn’t understand why he was so nervous.  Hillary was fine, the baby was healthy. So why did he have butterflies in his stomach?  Why did he feel like his heart was in his throat?  In the hospital she had seemed so overjoyed that everything was normal and there were no problems with the pregnancy, and had even talked about the baby in more personal terms than he’d ever heard her do before. Could it be she was starting to change her mind?  That she wanted the baby as much as he did?  He was terrified to bring it up, to be crushed by her answer.

“Sure darlin’.” He pulled back the covers and settled in next to her, wrapping his arm around her as she rested her head on his chest.

Hillary immediately melted into his embrace, reveling in the feel of his warmth against her. It was soothing and she felt safe and loved and protected. “Thank you for being with me tonight. I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my entire life.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” he pressed a kiss against her temple. “I promised you from the beginning I would be right here with you ever step of the way. The important thing is that everyone is okay. You and the baby.”

Her hand rested over her stomach, occasionally rubbing small circles by her ribcage. “I can still hear his heartbeat in my ears,” she smiled. “It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard.”

“It was incredible,” he agreed. “I knew there was a baby in there but after tonight, feeling him move inside of you, hearing his heart…I still can’t believe we made him.”

Hillary smiled up at him. “We did a really good job too because he’s a strong little guy. I thought the fluttering was intense but nothing compares to the kicks he’s been giving the past few hours.”

His large hand covered the swell of her belly. “What does it feel like from the inside?” His voice was childlike and full of wonder.

“Well, at first it kind of felt like tickling, like little waves rolling,” she explained. “And as he’s gotten bigger it’s felt kind of like squirming. But his kicks are strong and feel even more intense from the inside.”

“When did you first feel him move?” He pulled her sweatshirt up and drew patterns absently on her bare skin.

“Do you remember the night you brought Greek home after your student cancelled?” he nodded and she continued. “I felt him that afternoon during class.”

Bill remembered back. “So that’s what those tears were about.”

Hillary nodded. “It occurred to me in that moment that I could no longer pretend there was nothing going on. I had to face what was happening with my body. I came home and stripped down and took a really good look at myself. I was shocked at how much I’d changed and I realized then that I had to accept the reason why I’d changed.”

Tears swam in his blue eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He hated that she’d been struggling alone.

“I was afraid. And confused,” she confessed. “My emotions were all over the place and I didn’t want to get your hopes up in any way. I’ve hurt you so much in all of this and I’m so sorry Bill.”

Bill kissed her forehead. “I can’t fault you for wanting what’s best for this baby. You’ve always put his needs above your own. Above mine. And there’s absolutely no reason to apologize for being selfless.”

The baby kicked again and Hillary moved Bill’s hand to the spot so he could feel it too. Her fingers intertwined with his as it thumped against his palm. “When I saw the blood I thought…God I was so scared, Bill. It made me realize that I couldn’t bear to lose him. I don’t ever want to lose him. I don’t think I can give him up, Honey.” She tipped her chin up to look in his eyes. “I want us to be a family. That is…if you still want that.”

Bill gasped audibly. “Hillary…are you…you’re sure?” he asked, heart thumping so loudly in his ears that he could barely make out the sound of his own voice. “You want to keep him? Really?”

Hillary lifted up on her elbow, tracing a line on his face. “Yes, I want to keep him.” Tears glistened in her eyes. “I know it’s not going to be easy, but I want us to be together. You and me and our son.”

 

Tbc…


	9. Chapter 9

The house loomed large as they pulled up on the street in front of it. Hillary shifted uncomfortably in the idling car. “Why do I feel like I’m going to puke?”

“Me too,” Bill admitted sheepishly. He took her hand.  “We can do this baby,” he said.

After their scare the previous week and Hillary’s revelation that she wanted to keep their baby, they knew they needed to deliver the news to their families.  Bill had been adamant that they tell the Rodhams in person so they had changed their plans and decided to make the fourteen hour drive from New Haven to Park Ridge, joining the family for Thanksgiving despite their earlier assertion that they couldn’t make it.

Her warm breath puffed against the cold of the window, creating a fog that insulated them from the outside.  “What if they’re disappointed in me?” Her voice was small, easily reverting to that little girl that so valued her parents’ approval.  That wanted to be the woman they hoped she was.

Their joined hands rested on the seat, his fingers squeezing hers tightly, offering strength and comfort. “Oh Hilly no.  They won’t be disappointed in you,” he told her. “There’s nothing to be disappointed in.  We didn’t plan this, but we’re making the best of the situation and we’re doing what’s right for us.  How can they be disappointed in that?”

Hillary nodded, still not entirely sure, but knowing there was no use prolonging the inevitable.

“C’mon, we’ve been in this car for hours, let’s get you inside.” The door creaked open and Bill came around the front, stopping at the passenger’s side to help her out. Getting up from a seated position was proving more difficult these days as her center of gravity started to shift, so she took his proffered arm and let him pull her up from the bucket seat with a gentle tug.

Dorothy Rodham watched from the window, noticing the sweet way her daughter’s boyfriend tended to her, thrilled to get her first glimpse of Hillary since the previous summer.  Bill moved to the side and there she was, her little girl. She was all bundled up; coat, scarf, heavy clothes underneath – she looked like she’d put on weight, Bill must be keeping her fed. She chuckled to herself as she went to fling the door open, trying to rein in her excitement.

“You made it!” she exclaimed, watching their approach from just outside the front door.  Her arms outstretched, practically pulling Hillary toward her.  She leaned in, hugging her mother around the shoulders lightly but avoiding full body contact as much as possible.

“It’s so good to see you,” Hillary said, pulling away before the embrace had even begun. “God, I thought we’d never get here!”

Dorothy wasn’t sure exactly what it was, but her intuition was telling her there was something going on and she was determined to get to the bottom of it. “Bill.” She turned from Hillary to address him. “You must be tired from that long drive, come on in here and get your things off.” She noticed an odd look pass between Bill and Hillary as she turned around to walk inside.  Yes, something was definitely up.

Bill reached around and closed the door behind them, immediately enveloped by the warmth of the house. “Smells delicious in here, Mrs. Rodham.”

“I’ve been baking pies all morning,” Dorothy told him. “Pumpkin and pecan. And peach for you, Bill. Hillary told me it was your favorite. She mentioned making you one out in California.” Her laughter lit up the room. “I knew you must be pretty special if she was baking for you!” she joked.

Hillary felt the blush rising up her neck. Every time she thought of peach pie she thought about how they had spent the rest of that day tangled up together in bed. How their baby was more than likely conceived that warm summer afternoon in Berkeley.

He smiled. “Thank you, but you didn’t have to do that.” He held tightly to Hillary’s hand. “Not that I’m complaining, mind you.”

“Well, I thought since you couldn’t be home for Thanksgiving I would bring a little bit of Arkansas here.” Dorothy looked between the two of them, eyes roving over her daughter. Hillary’s cheeks were flushed, probably from the cold. She had definitely filled out some – her face was fuller, her hips looked wider. Even her hair looked thicker.

The baby kicked and Hillary jumped a little, fighting the urge to bring her hand up to her stomach to soothe his tumbling. The more she tensed the wilder his movements grew. She took a few steady breaths to try and calm herself.

“Everything alright dear?” concern laced Dorothy’s voice.

Hillary smiled tightly. “Just can’t shake the chill. Although it’s warmer here than it was when we left New Haven.”

“Well, with the fireplace and the oven going it stays pretty warm in here,” she said. “How was the drive, Bill?”

“Not too bad,” he replied. “We hit a little traffic yesterday evening but this morning was smooth sailing.”

Dorothy nodded. “It’s always better to break the trip down into two days,” she replied. “It gets uncomfortable sitting for so long.” Just then the oven timer rang. “Excuse me for a second, I’ve got a pie that’s ready to come out.  You two make yourselves comfortable. Can I bring you back some drinks?”

“A glass of water if you don’t mind.” Bill turned to Hillary. “You should drink something,” he said softly.

“Water for me too Mom.”

Bill guided Hillary towards the sofa as Dorothy left the room.  “You okay, baby?” he asked quietly.

“He’s kicking like crazy.” She carefully eased down onto the sofa. “Feeding off my anxiety I’m sure.”

He took off his coat and laid it over the arm of the sofa, then sat down next to her. “Just try and relax,” he soothed her, taking her hand in his. “Nice deep breaths.”

Hillary took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. She repeated it a few times over, closing her eyes and trying to relax herself. “He’s calming down.” She continued to fight the urge to rub her belly.

“Good.” he pulled her against him and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

Dorothy entered the room to find them huddled on the couch, Hillary still in her scarf and heavy sweater. “Here we are, two waters as requested,” she said jovially, handing the cool glasses to Bill and Hillary. 

Bill took a quick sip but Hillary downed three quarters of the glass in one gulp. Dorothy smiled. “Getting warmer yet Honey? Why don’t you take that scarf off and stay a while.”

She took a seat in the armchair across from where they were sitting, casually observing the couple. Bill was trying very hard to seem relaxed and Hillary couldn’t even give that pretense; she seemed downright skittish.

“I’m getting there.” Hillary went to lean forward to sit her glass on the coffee table, but seemingly changed her mind and instead handed it to Bill who sat it down next to his on the end table. “We’ve had a few light snowfalls already.”

Her daughter’s movement wasn’t lost on Dorothy, who was quietly cataloguing all of the little oddities she’d seen since the two of them had arrived. “It seems the snow comes earlier every year,” she commented. “Pretty soon we won’t even have a Fall, it’ll just start snowing at the end of the Summer!”

Bill chuckled. “I certainly hope not, I have enough trouble adjusting to this freezing weather as it is.”

“That’s right, not a lot of cold temperatures down there in Arkansas.” Dorothy crossed her legs, smiling over at Bill. “I’m really glad the two of you could make it for Thanksgiving,” she said. “What made you change your mind?”

Hillary glanced at Bill and then over at her mom. “We got more time off than we originally thought we would.”

“Terrific,” Dorothy smiled. “We’re so happy to have you.  It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without you.”

Hillary shifted on the couch, arching her back and rubbing over the small of it and all of a sudden it clicked in Dorothy’s mind. Good Lord. “Bill, do you mind going out back and making sure my two sons haven’t killed each other over a football game?” She feigned nonchalance. “Maybe they’ll even let you toss the ball around with them, show them how it’s done.”

Bill looked to Hillary, who nodded slightly. “Sure Mrs. Rodham, but they’ll probably trounce me,” he told her. “I’m not much of a football player.”

“Tell them to go easy on you,” Dorothy chuckled. “Go on out and work up an appetite, and we’ll all have lunch when you’re through.”

He got up from the sofa and grabbed his coat. “Now that sounds worth getting pummeled over.”

Hillary watched as Bill made his way through the kitchen and out the backdoor. She looked back at her mom, biting on her bottom lip. “When will Dad be home?”

“Not for a while,” she replied. And thank God! “I got some new bedding in your room, come on I’ll show it to you.”

Hesitating slightly, Hillary nodded and hoped against hope that she could get up off the sofa without too much effort. “Sure, I’d love to see it.” She took a deep breath and pushed herself up, her slight awkwardness not going unnoticed by Dorothy, who brushed it off for the moment. “For the love of God, please take off that scarf,” she told Hillary with a laugh.

Hillary froze momentarily. The scarf was another layer of armor for her. It drew eyes away from some of the most noticeable changes in her body. She complied though and undid the scarf from around her neck, slowly pulled it off and then tossed it over the arm of the sofa. “Better?”

“Much.” Dorothy’s eyes were immediately drawn to her daughter’s midsection, which was conveniently hidden under a long, thick sweater. One thing that didn’t escape her, however, was the fact that Hillary’s breasts were noticeably larger.  There was no disguising that. Another thing to file away in her quickly growing inventory of differences in her daughter.  “Come. Let’s go upstairs.”

Hillary quietly followed behind her mom as they climbed the stairs and made their way toward her old bedroom. A dark green silken comforter covered the bed. “Oh, I like the color,” she commented, walking over to the bed. “The floral print had hit its expiration quite a while ago.”

Dorothy cleared her throat as the door clicked shut. “So,” she began. “What are you?  About five months?”

 

Tbc…


	10. Chapter 10

“What?” Hillary asked absently, looking from the bed to the now closed door. Why did she feel so caged? Her heart began pounding in her chest.

“I knew there was something different as soon as I saw you.” Dorothy motioned toward the bed, indicating that Hillary should sit down.  Seeing the look on her mother’s face, she did as she was instructed. Dorothy continued, “But it took me a while to put my finger on it.” Her eyes narrowed. “You’re fuller, your breasts are bigger, you sit and stand differently.” She watched as Hillary swallowed. “You wouldn’t let your whole body touch me when we hugged.” She took a step closer. “You also wouldn’t take your scarf off, your back is obviously sore from riding in the car so long, and you handed your water glass to Bill to put on the table because you couldn’t lean forward to do it yourself.” She sat next to Hillary on the bed, turning to face her. “Now, you’re wearing a very bulky sweater but I’d say based on my intuition and my experience being pregnant, that you’re about five months along.  How am I doing so far?”

Hillary wanted to rationalize, she wanted to defend herself, to explain it all away. Even though this was the reason she and Bill had bitten the bullet and made the trip this wasn’t how she wanted any of it to go. She had envisioned that it would be on her own terms. “Mom…” she started, but she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. The floodgates opened and hot, fat tears rushed down her face.

Dorothy’s heart broke watching her daughter struggle. “Honey,” she said, taking Hillary’s hand. “Tell me what happened.  Explain to me what’s going on, okay?  Help me understand.”

Hillary wiped at her cheeks with her free hand then took a deep breath and released a shuttering one. “I’m pregnant, that’s what’s going on,” she confirmed softly, as she slowly raised her eyes to meet her mother’s. “Twenty-four weeks on Friday.”

“I see.” Thinking it was one thing, but having her suspicion confirmed was another. There were so many questions, so many things she wanted to know, but Dorothy Rodham suddenly found herself rendered mute. She swallowed and forced a smile, trying not to let her daughter see how hurt and worried she was. “I thought you were on birth control, Hillary.” Her words came out harsher than she meant them to and she took a breath. “I mean, you were, weren’t you?” she asked softly.

“I _was_ on birth control. I swear, Mom.” She suddenly felt like she was sixteen and not the twenty-four year old law student she was. “I was taking it every day at the exact same time just like I was supposed to.”

Dorothy’s confusion was evident in her furrowed brow. “Then how did this happen?”

Hillary chuckled mirthlessly. “Bill and I struggled to understand at first how it happened and why.” She looked down at the comforter, avoiding her mother’s eyes. “There’s a very small margin of error and it just so happened that’s where I fell.”

A simple explanation, and yet there was nothing simple about it. As a mother, Dorothy had always prided herself on being someone her children could confide in, and more than anything else she wondered why, in what must have been one of the hardest moments in her daughter’s young life, she had chosen to keep this from her.  “Why’d you wait until now to tell me Hillary?” she asked, voice hoarse with emotion. “Didn’t you feel like you could come to me?” A lone tear ran down her cheek and she swiped it away.

“Because I was so scared. Scared and confused.” She took a breath. “Getting pregnant wasn’t something I wanted, and it certainly wasn’t something I planned on.  I know it’s not an ideal situation…” She slowly raised her eyes up. “And honestly I never actually expected to be having this baby so I thought I would save everyone the disappointment. I’m really sorry, Momma.”

Hillary’s words stopped her mother cold. “What do you mean you never expected to be having this baby?”

“I thought having an abortion would be the best thing for everyone,” she admitted sheepishly. “I even had the procedure scheduled. I just desperately wanted everything to go back to normal. Bill was against the idea but he was willing to support my decision.”

“Wh..what changed your mind?” Dorothy asked, feeling slightly sick to her stomach.  The more she heard, the more her own hurt feelings began to lessen and her heart began to open.

“Morning sickness,” Hillary replied with a shrug. “We were getting ready to leave for New York so I could have the procedure and I felt sick. I ran back into the house and…well it just clicked all of a sudden, that I couldn’t go through with it, you know?”

Dorothy chuckled in spite of herself. “I’ve never heard of morning sickness making someone want to _stay_ pregnant,” she joked, trying to bring some levity to the situation. “How’s Bill been through all this? I hope he’s been supportive.”

“He’s been amazing, even when I didn’t deserve it. Willing to support whatever decision I made.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “He’s done nothing but try to make this easier for me and I know I must have hurt him so much.” The drops spilled over her lashes. “And I know he wanted the baby from the beginning but I told him that we should give the him to a couple that’s ready to be parents. People who can love and support a child.”

“So you…you’re giving the baby up for adoption?” Why did the thought of that make all the air go out of Dorothy’s lungs? Maybe it was the anguish she saw written in her daughter’s eyes. Or maybe it was the thought of a piece of Hillary out there, belonging to someone else, a stranger. Whatever it was, it made her throat constrict and her own eyes start to water.

“I thought it was the right thing to do…” she bit down on her bottom lip. “I tried so hard to ignore all the changes in my body and I went to great lengths to hide them from Bill. It all became too much and we got into a huge fight, but then the baby kicked in the middle of it…and everything changed.”

“And how do you and Bill feel now?” Dorothy dipped her head to meet Hillary’s eyes. Her voice was soft but probing.  “Have you changed your mind about things?”

Hillary swallowed hard. It was now or never. “Last week we had a little scare…I had some minor bleeding and it really put things into perspective, at least for me.” she explained. “Bill already knew what he wanted but Mom, we heard the baby’s heartbeat and it was so…life-changing.” She took a breath and blew it out slowly. “We know that things aren’t going to be easy but we really love this baby and…we want to keep him.” 

So many feelings were running through Dorothy’s mind simultaneously that she had to close her eyes for a moment to try to collect her thoughts. She opened them again to find Hillary looking at her expectantly and at the forefront of her emotions was love, overwhelming love and empathy for all that her daughter had struggled with since the last time they’d seen one another. “Oh Honey,” she began. The tears she’d been holding back through the entirety of their conversation finally spilled out and ran down her plump cheeks and her hand squeezed her daughter’s to try to convey what her words couldn’t. 

Seeing the tears fall down her mother’s face made Hillary’s heart clench. This was exactly what she had been trying to avoid. “I’m sorry, Momma. I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, burying her face in her hands. “I never meant for any of this to happen.”

Dorothy opened her arms and Hillary immediately went into them, wrapping her own around her mother’s middle and tucking her head into the crook of her neck.  “You have nothing to be sorry for,” Dorothy told her, dropping a kiss to Hillary’s head. “And you’re right Sweetheart, it’s not going to be easy, in fact it’s going to probably be the hardest thing you’ve ever done.” She paused, brushing her daughter’s hair back from her shoulder. “But if anyone can make it work…can be an amazing parent to this baby it’s you.  You and Bill. And you know I’ll do everything I can to help you,” she said. “Both your father and I will.” She squeezed Hillary tighter, feeling her relax a little as she spoke.

The comforting scent of her mother surrounded Hillary as she spoke into Dorothy’s shoulder. “I didn’t know I could love someone so much until I met Bill. And then we defied the odds and made this baby, and it took me a while but I’m so in love with him, and with the idea that we get to be a family.  She sniffled. “I was scared to tell you, but I’m absolutely terrified to tell Daddy,” she whispered. “I just know he’s going to be so angry and disappointed and probably disown me.”

“He’s going to be shocked, that’s for sure,” Dorothy told her. “But he’d never disown you honey, you know that.” She stroked Hillary’s thick hair and pressed her closer. “Let me talk to him, explain the situation…warm him up a bit.  How does that sound?”

Hillary pulled back to look at her. “Really? You would do that for me?” she asked, her voice innocent and childlike. The thought of not having to directly tell her father made a wave of relief wash over her.

“I think it might be better coming from me.” Dorothy took a breath. “You’re too close to the situation and it’s hard to convey your thoughts when you’re so emotional, I understand that. But don’t think this gets you out of talking to him, it just delays it a little bit.” She winked at Hillary. “Seems that hiding hasn’t been a great strategy for you so far, so maybe it’s time to pay the piper,” she joked.

“Thank you,” Hillary said softly. “I know I still have to talk to him but…You don’t know how much I appreciate this.”

“Don’t mention it.” The older woman chuckled. “I’ll get him a nice stiff drink when he gets home, relax him a little, then lower the boom on him.” Hillary gave her a watery smile. “But don’t forget, Bill should be a part of this too. He did, after all, help make this baby-“

Just then, a soft knock on the door had both women straightening up. “Who is it?” Dorothy asked, scrubbing her hands over her face to erase her tears, looking over at Hillary as she gathered herself.

“It’s Bill, Mrs. Rodham, is Hillary in there with you?”

“Speak of the devil,” she said, soft enough for Hillary’s ears only. “In here Bill, you can come in.”

The door was slowly pushed open and he peered around it to see both women sitting on the bed. Hillary gave him a slight nod and he made his way inside, closing the door behind him. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said, glancing over at Dorothy and then back to Hillary “It was a long car ride this morning.”

“It’s okay Bill, she knows,” Hillary said softly. “She figured it out.”

“Oh.” Bill took a moment to get his bearings. “Mrs. Rodham, I-“

Dorothy got up and made room on the bed next to Hillary. “Sit down dear, before you fall down.” Bill sat, Hillary’s hand automatically finding his as they faced her mother together. “I understand you’ve both had quite a time these last few months.”

“Yes Ma’am.” He looked over at Hillary, gracing her with a gentle smile. “But I think we’ve got things sorted out now.” He squeezed her fingers and turned back to her mother, serious again. “I love Hillary, Mrs. Rodham, and I love this baby. More than I’ve ever loved any two people in my entire life. And I’m going to do my absolute best to be everything they need me to be. I know we’re young and that this was unexpected but I really feel like we belong together, the three of us.”

She looked at the young couple on the bed, so in love and full of promise.  The tender way Bill held Hillary’s hand, the expression on his face when he described his feelings for her and for the baby they’d created, it gave Dorothy an overwhelming sense of hope that they truly would make a beautiful family. “Well I, for one, am proud of you both,” she choked. “It’s not a simple decision you’re making, and it’s definitely not going to be an easy situation juggling school and then jobs with a little one. You’re going to be tested, for sure.” There was a thoughtful pause and then, “But you’ve both got incredibly good heads on your shoulders and a strong foundation built with love and trust. I have faith in you.  Both of you.”

A weight felt like it had been lifted from him, and looking at Hillary, he could see the relief written on her face.  “Thank you,” Bill said, tears swimming in his eyes. “I promise I’m going to take care of them. I won’t let you down, Mrs. Rodham.”

“Are you happy Honey?” Dorothy asked her daughter. “And maybe you can relax and start to enjoy the pregnancy?”

Hillary smiled brightly, for the first time since the entire conversation had started. “I’m incredibly happy.” she said, her hand rubbing over her abdomen. “This past week has been amazing.”

“So are you finally going to let me see what you’ve been hiding under that sweater all this time?” Dorothy’s eyes were hopeful.

Hillary slid off the bed with Bill’s help and undid the buttons down her sweater. She eased the fabric apart, biting down on her bottom lip as she did so. Why she was so nervous she didn’t know. The flowing shirt beneath was pulled up over the swell of her stomach, revealing a tight cotton tank stretched taut over her rounded abdomen.

The older woman came closer, reaching out and pressing a tentative hand to Hillary’s belly with a gentle smile. “Hello there,” she whispered toward the bulge under her palm, her grin brightening when she felt the slight ripple as the baby moved. “Nice to meet you little one.” She looked back up at her daughter with suspiciously moist eyes. “Incredible,” she breathed.

Her hand gently covered her mom’s. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she said, softly. “From now on I’ll keep you up to date on everything, I promise.”

“You better because this is my grandbaby and I expect to be part of his or her life,” Dorothy told her. “Now, let’s get downstairs and put some food in the two of you.”  She chuckled. “Oh and you too Bill.”

 

Tbc…


	11. Chapter 11

Hugh sat in his favorite chair, scotch in hand. Dorothy had laid the whole ordeal out for him just like Hillary had done for her, and he ruminated over her words with an almost blank expression on his face. She had asked that he let her finish talking before he jumped in with any comments and surprisingly he had complied, though there had been a couple of occasions where she was sure he was going to pop up out of his chair and start pacing the floor. She had stopped speaking several moments ago, though, and now she was just watching him, waiting for his final reaction, poised to have to talk him down off the ledge. 

He seemed calmer than when she first began. The grip on his glass had grown tight, so tight that Dorothy thought he might crush it in his hand. Several different expressions had passed over his face as he had listened to his wife.  Shock, confusion, worry. He took it all in and processed it the very best way he could.

“Well,” he sighed, heavily. “What’s done is done I suppose.”

“This has been incredibly difficult for Hillary.”

He nodded. “I know,” he agreed, and he did. His daughter had such a level head on her shoulders. “Doesn’t make it any easier to accept though. She’s a junior in Law School, Dottie, giving all that up now seems like such a waste.”

“She’s not giving anything up, Hugh. You know her better than that, she’s your daughter after all.” She smiled despite the situation. “She’s determined to see this through. Both law school and parenthood.”

“Well are they at least getting married?” he asked, concerned. “I know things are different up North, but that baby needs a name and my daughter needs a husband.” He gave her a pointed look.

“I don’t know, we didn’t get that far in the conversation,” Dorothy told him. “But Bill is committed to her and to the baby, he’ll do what’s best for all of them, I’m sure.”

“I’ll talk to her,” he said grudgingly. Emotional conversations with his daughter were not something he was accustomed to, and he was wholly unprepared to talk about this particular subject matter. “To them,” he corrected. Bill would definitely need to be involved as well.  After all, Hugh needed to see for himself that Hillary was going to be taken care of, stay in school, and that his first grandchild was going to have every opportunity they could offer.

Hugh found them in the kitchen a few moments later, hanging back in the doorway to quietly observe the young couple.

Hillary was sitting down at the table, her feet propped up on the chair next to her, and Bill was at the counter making what appeared to be a snack for her.  The first thing Hugh noticed as he looked at his daughter was how she seemed to radiate happiness. How, even with his back to her, she looked at Bill with a smile that lit up the room. The protective hand she rubbed over her stomach, unconsciously. She was absolutely glowing and it was, though he hated to admit it, a heartwarming sight.

After a few moments Bill sat a plate and a glass of milk down in front of her, dropping a kiss to the top of her head.

“Thank you, honey,” she beamed up at him.

“You’re welcome.” he replied, kneeling down to press his lips against the covered swell of her belly. “I want to keep the two of you strong and healthy.”

She ruffled her fingers through his thick dark hair. “You take such good care of us.”

Bill’s hand slid under her thick sweater and gently rubbed back and forth across her rounded abdomen. “Can I get you anything else?”

“No, I think we’re okay.” She reached for one of the crackers on her plate. “You want a bite?”

He looked at what he had prepared her, trying his best to keep his face even. As requested, crackers with a thin layer of cream cheese and pickled jalapeno on top. He gently shook his head. “Yeah, I think I’m gonna pass.”

“You don’t know what you’re missing.” Hillary bit into it, savoring what she considered to be a delicacy. “But that’s okay, more for us!” She leaned forward to kiss the tip of his nose.

Bill swallowed hard. “Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer some water, baby?”

“The milk actually helps with the heartburn,” Hillary chuckled. “And before you say anything, I know I could avoid the heartburn if I stopped eating pickled jalapenos but Billy, they’re _so_ good!” She popped another cracker in her mouth and closed her eyes with a smile.

“I’m not saying a word.” His tone was playful. “Just don’t make me eat the stuff.” He got to his feet and lifted her legs so he could sit on the chair underneath, his fingers automatically pressing into her calves, kneading the muscles gently under her skirt.

“I love you,” she told him, and it was obvious to anyone with eyes and ears that it was true.

“And I love you too,” said Bill.  “Both of you.”

Hugh continued to watch unnoticed from the doorway, his eyes misty despite his best intentions not to get emotional.

He cleared his throat and he saw Hillary’s back instantly straighten, her feet slipping quickly off of Bill’s lap so she could stand.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to get up on my account,” said Hugh.

But Bill shot to his feet, arm outstretched. “Mr. Rodham,” he said nervously. “Good to see you again.”

“Bill.” He shook the younger man’s hand, noticing the thin layer of sweat on his palm.  He let go without another word.

“Daddy.” Hillary walked around the table to stand beside Bill, taking his hand as they faced her father. The moment was tense and awkward, no one quite knowing how to start the conversation that so obviously needed to be had.

Hugh cleared his throat. “Had a little chat with your mother.”

Hillary’s grip tightened on Bill’s and she took a breath. Her eyes were downcast. “Dad, I-“

“Look at me, Hillary,” Hugh said sternly.

She slowly lifted her eyes to meet her father’s, not wanting to see the disappointment in them, but knowing she owed it to him to look him in the face. “Yes, Daddy?”

He sighed heavily. He had no idea how to handle this entire situation. He just knew that he expected several things from his daughter and her…boyfriend. “I suppose the two of you will be getting married, then?” he asked firmly, though it felt more like a statement than a question. “Because children need two parents.” He looked from Hillary to Bill and back again. “Two married parents,” he emphasized.

“We…um…really haven’t thought much about it,” she said, honestly. “We’ve just now decided to keep the baby. Marriage really hasn’t come –“

Hugh looked past his daughter and at Bill. “Getting married is the right thing to do, son. I know you know that, being from the south.” His gaze locked intensely on Bill’s and he couldn’t have looked away if he tried.               

“Y-yes, sir.” Bill replied. “I do want to marry Hillary, sir. It’s just…it’s like she said, we’re just figuring things out. We really haven’t had time to think about much of anything past keeping the baby.”

He was still not pleased, he wanted some assurances that his daughter and grandchild were going to be taken care of and this young man didn’t seem to have any idea what he was doing. He sighed again. “Bill,” he addressed him by name. “You say you love my daughter, you’re going to have a child. Well, she needs a husband and that…baby…needs a father.”

“Dad,” Hillary said, exasperated.  “The baby _will_ have two parents, but we don’t have to be married to do that.”  She looked at Bill. “Not that I’m opposed to marriage or that I don’t want to marry you,” she said gently, then turned her eyes back to Hugh. “I’m just saying that times have changed.”

“I see.” But clearly he didn’t. Hugh Rodham was nothing if not practical and old fashioned when it came to certain things. “So you’re fine with your child having a different last name than you? And it doesn’t bother you that he (pointing to Bill) can just decide to up and leave whenever he wants and there will be no legal repercussions?” He folded his arms over his chest and shifted from one foot to the other. “That’s the kind of life you want for you and your baby?”

Hillary was getting frustrated at the way Hugh was twisting her words. “I never said that,” she told him. “What I meant was we don’t have to necessarily rush into things just because I’m pregnant.”

“Seems like the exact reason you’d want to rush into things,” he reiterated with a scowl.

Bill spoke up. “Mr. Rodham…sir.” He cleared his throat. “I know this was probably a shock to hear and I understand that you’re probably not very happy about it but we’re trying to do the right thing here. I’m in love with Hillary and I love this baby. I’m committed to her and I want us to be married, I promise you I do.” He squeezed Hillary’s hand. “But I think what she’s saying is that it’s been a little sudden for us, so just give us some time to think about the best way to make this work. That’s all we’re asking.”

Hugh looked back to Hillary. “And you’re staying in school, I hear?” She nodded. “You think you can manage that with a baby?”

“Again, we haven’t worked out the details yet, but we’re going to make it work. Bill and I can shuffle our classes so we can be home with the baby at different times. We’ll figure it out.”

“Sounds like you’ve got a lot to figure out,” Hugh said gruffly. “And not a lot of time to do it in.”

“You always taught me to take responsibility for my actions and that’s exactly what I’m doing.” Hillary told him, determined not to let her father intimidate her.  “We didn’t plan for this to happen, but it did and we’re doing what we think is right, what we know we can live with for the rest of our lives.” She smiled up at Bill, placing a hand over her belly.  “This baby will be loved by his mother and father, and we can only hope he’ll have grandparents that he can count on as well.”

Hugh shook his head and let out a long sigh. “I don’t want things to be harder for you, Hillary,” he admitted. “This isn’t going to be easy. But then again being a parent isn’t any easy job no matter how old you are or how well prepared you think you are. I just don’t want you to struggle.” His face softened almost imperceptibly before he looked Bill square in the eye. “You’ve got people counting on you son, don’t let them down.”

“I won’t Mr. Rodham. You have my word.” He looked Hugh directly in the eye and extended his hand again, shaking it with all the confidence he possessed.  Hillary was _his_ girl and that was _his_ baby, and Hugh Rodham needed to learn to respect that.

“Good.” Hugh put his hands on Hillary’s shoulders and pulled her close in a rare display of affection. Her arms went tentatively around his waist and she embraced him, a sense of relief flooding her that the scene had not gone anywhere near as badly as she’d imagined it so many times in her head. “Love you Daddy,” she said into his chest.

“You too Hill,” Hugh managed. He pulled out of the hug and looked at the clock on the wall. “Guess I should go report back to your mother,” he told her. “She’s probably worried at how quiet it is in here.” 

Hillary chuckled. “Okay Dad.  We’re pretty tired anyway from the drive earlier, I think we’ll probably just head to bed.”

“Bill will be sleeping in Tony’s room.”  Hugh’s tone made it clear that this wasn’t up for discussion.  Bill and Hillary looked at each other and then back to her father. “I don’t care what goes on in New Haven or the fact that you’re knocked up with his baby, in my house you’ll be sleeping in separate bedrooms.”

“Of course Mr. Rodham,” Bill agreed. “Hillary can help me get settled in.”

“Dottie will do it,” Hugh answered, clearly not even trusting them to be alone in any bedroom.

“Sure.” He took Hillary’s hand. “Well, goodnight then. And thanks again for having me.”

“Mmmm hmmm,” was Hugh’s answer.  He turned around and left the room without another word.

Hillary let out a long breath that ended in a giggle. “Awww honey I think he likes you,” she joked.

Bill rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I definitely felt the love.” He chuckled. “Well I suppose it could have been a lot worse. If all that came out of it is that I have to marry you and I can’t sleep in the same room with you in his house, I guess I can handle that.”

“We’ll see…” she teased, pulling him toward the stairs.

 

tbc...


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter we have written and it might be a while longer before a new one so we'll leave you with this for now!

Bill carefully crept down the hallway and knocked softly on her partially open bedroom door. Hugh had made it very clear they wouldn’t be sharing a room even though they shared an apartment and Hillary was carrying evidence of just how intimate their relationship was, so he’d be taking Tony’s room while he bunked in with his brother. 

“You have impeccable timing,” she grinned at him as she opened the door. “I was just about to change.”

His eyes roamed her short satin robe and he found himself licking his lips. Even though he knew he couldn’t touch her, it wouldn’t hurt to look. “I just came to say goodnight.”

Hillary reached out for his hand, pulling him into the room and closing the door as softly as possible. “I want a proper goodnight.”

“Proper?” he asked, swallowing hard as he watched her lock the door behind him. “Your dad just said that we couldn’t sleep in the same room, Hillary, much less anything else.” A devilish smile pulled at her lips. And he knew what that meant. Blow jobs at midnight in the library and sliding his fingers into her panties at the cinema. “And don’t give me that look.”

She pretended to pout. “All I wanted was a kiss.”

“A kiss?” he asked incredulously. “You have to lock the door for a kiss?”

“I never said where.” Her tone was innocent but her eyes told him she was anything but.

Bill bit back a groan and started to hold his arms out to her. “Come here and let me kiss you then.”

Hillary pulled back slightly, just out of reach, teasing him. “No. Why don’t you come over here instead?”

He was in front of her in two strides. His hands gripped either side of her hips, long fingers sinking into satin and flesh. “You need to be on your best behavior, baby.”

The distance between them quickly evaporated as she snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him to her for a kiss. Her soft, pliant body pressed against his harder one, her smooth tongue sweeping over his bottom lip and into his mouth, gliding over his before he even knew what was happening. His hands immediately cupped her face and he whimpered into her warm mouth. God, she felt like perfection in his arms.

She leaned further into him as much as their growing baby would allow, her breasts pressing tightly against him as she continued to lick and tease him with her mouth and tongue.

Bill was completely lost in her. His hands skimmed down her sides until they came to rest against her bottom, squeezing the deliciously firm flesh in his hands. At the sound of her strangled moans he pulled back, panting and swollen lipped. “Alright Hilly, that’s enough.”

“That’s it?” she asked, chest slightly heaving from her breathlessness.

“Yes,” he said, backing up toward the door. “Before we both get into trouble.”

“It’s going to be a long four days.” she said, following him. “And today has been the most stressful.” There was that pout again, drawing him back in.

“I know it has.” He stroked her hair. “That’s why I think you should get some rest.” As hard as it was to leave her, the last thing he wanted was to get thrown out of Hugh Rodham’s house before the Thanksgiving meal had even been served.

“I don’t need to rest right now Bill.” She batted her eyelashes and untied her satin robe, letting it fall open to reveal pink panties that fell right below her belly and a matching bra with mounds of creamy breasts spilling over the top. His mouth watered and his cock twitched. She really wasn’t playing fair.

“I need to come,” she breathed seductively. “So either you need to help me out or I’m going to have to do it myself.” Her tongue flicked out to lick her bottom lip. “And that hardly seems right, does it?”

“Hillary…” he warned as she backed him toward the bench at the foot of her bed.

“Billy,” she cooed in return, watching with hooded eyes as he let himself be guided down onto it. “You have no idea how wet I am right now.” She climbed astride him, knees at either side of his thighs. “I’ll be so quick, I promise.” She pushed him down further until he was resting on his elbows at the end of her bed, his hands automatically coming to sit at her hips as she hovered over him.

Reaching between them, Hillary pushed her hand into the confines of Bill’s pajama bottoms, her intention obvious. “Just let me put it inside,” she pleaded in a whisper. “I need it so bad.” Her fingers tugged upwards but she didn’t get very far before Bill stopped her with a hand around her wrist. The head of his cock peeked deliciously out of the top of his waistband and he closed his eyes to gain some measure of control. She was going to be the death of him.

“Baby no,” he said as sternly as he could manage. He batted her hand away and started to ease her panties to the side, hoping she’d be satisfied. “How about my fingers inside you?” he asked, dipping briefly into the thick moisture between her legs. This time it was her turn to remove his hand. “Uh Unh,” she told him, bringing her wetness in contact with his hard, straight cock through their clothes.  “There’s no reason why we shouldn’t both enjoy this,” she husked.  Her hips shifted and she slid up and down on him, her underwear providing extra friction against her engorged clit.

“Ohhh Hilly we should sto-“ Bill sucked in a breath, his half-hearted protest dying in his mouth. It felt more erotic than he ever thought possible, her wetness soaking through his pajama bottoms and drenching him as she moved against him.  His hands went to her hips again, guiding her, watching as his tip disappeared under his waistband and then poked out again, her undulations massaging him like he couldn’t believe.

“Mmmm Bill. Goddd you’re hard.” Her head rolled back on her shoulders and unconscious whimpers slipped from her lips.

“Shhhh, baby,” Bill cautioned, grinding her into him.  “Your mom and dad are just down the hall.”

“But it feels so good,” she whined. “So warm and wet.” She looked down and noticed the head of his cock had darkened, she could see the fluid leaking from the slit, dripping onto his groin every time she pushed up on him. 

“Hillary,” he hissed, fingers digging deeper into her hips. “You’re soaking wet, baby.” He bit down on his lip, hard, to keep from calling out. God, she felt amazing, even through the layers of fabric. He knew all he would have to do would be to move her panties to the side and lift up…his thoughts flew as she began to move faster against him, consuming him with sensation. ”Fuuccckk, that’s hot.”

“Please, I need to come honey,” she begged. “Make me come.” The breathless quality in her voice was driving him absolutely insane. Hillary shifted down and ground into his aching sac in a circular motion, leaving a soaking trail all over the crotch of his pants.

“Christ,” he grunted. Goddamn, she had him on edge. His balls were tight and heavy and the only thing he wanted to do was come. He arched into her, sliding his thick cock against her, whimpering softly with every move. Pure desperation pushed him further and further to the edge and all he could think about was how good she felt against him. “Fuck, so good. Come for me, baby. Come on my cock.”

“Bill,” she mewled.  She moved up and focused her efforts on the head of his cock, sliding heavily over it with the sopping gusset of her panties, surrounding him in a hot, moist cocoon until he could barely see straight. His sharp gasp filled the room as his orgasm took him by surprise. “Fuck!” he exhaled. Eyes squeezed shut and bottom lip between his teeth, he let out a silent scream as spurt after creamy spurt coated her underwear, drenching her further.

The warmth of him coming against her clit was too intense and Hillary sucked in a breath at the sensation. She shivered as her own orgasm burst forth, hot and intense, thighs tightening around him like a vice while she rode it out. Trembling with unadulterated pleasure as wave after wave washed over her from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. Her whimpering grew louder until he pulled her down and crashed his lips against hers, tongues tangling gently, the sounds of their moans muffled in each other’s mouths. 

He stilled her hips with his strong hands, letting the rest of her whimpers and moans die with the gentle, calming strokes of his tongue on hers. And when he was positive that she was sated and quiet, he slowly pulled back. “God Hilly, that was…intense.” He rested his forehead against hers. “And we made an absolute mess.”

She shuddered from the aftershocks. “Well, maybe if you had just fucked me then all this…mess…would be inside me instead of on your pajamas.”

Bill chuckled and shook his head, easing them to a more upright position. “Come on baby, we need to get cleaned up.”

Hillary groaned. “Remember this tomorrow night when you come to tell me goodnight.” She carefully started to slide off his lap.

“Oh…no-no-no!” he protested. “Tomorrow night we’ll say goodnight at the door.” He thought moment. “Better yet, outside the door,” he clarified.

Hillary slipped off her drenched panties and tossed them at him. “Oh honey…” she cooed. “I know you’d like to think you can resist me, but you can’t. And we both know it.”

His eyes slid over her in the lamplight, her cheeks flushed and hair disheveled. “God, I love you.”

Hillary reached for some tissues off the nightstand and wiped at the lingering stickiness between her thighs. “My lord baby, that was a lot.” She extended the box of tissues to him and he took them while she made her way to her suitcase to try to find some new underwear and a nightgown.

Bill looked at his pajama bottoms, soaked through with their secretions. “I could say the same thing.” He did his best to clean himself, but it was almost futile. Crossing the room, he tossed the tissues in the trashcan, then gave another glance at his groin. “It’s no use,” he grumbled good-naturedly. “I hope to God there’s no one in the hall on the way back to my room.”

He heard sniffling behind him and turned to find Hillary sitting on the bench they’d just occupied, her eyes bright with tears. “Hilly?” He came to kneel in front of her.  “What’s the matter baby?”

“It’s just…I’m going to miss sleeping next to you,” she admitted with a tiny sob. “I know it’s stupid but I feel so much safer when you’re beside me.” She swiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. “How are we going to do this for three more nights?”

Bill took her hands. “Oh darlin’.” He rubbed his thumbs over her knuckles. “It’s going to be okay.  Only a couple of days and then we’ll be back in our own bed, together.”

“I guess,” she agreed, albeit reluctantly. She knew she was being irrational but his presence grounded her, comforted her, and even the thought of one night away from him had her upset.

“I’ll be just down the hall if you need me.” Bill kissed her hand, pulling up on his knees so they were face to face. “And never forget how much I love you.” His lips went to her soft cheek. “You and our son.”

Hillary extricated her hands from his grip, looping them loosely around his neck. “We love you too honey,” she whispered, voice full of emotion. “Now get out of here before Daddy finds you in here and tosses you out onto the front lawn.”

Bill pecked her lips with a chuckle before standing up and pulling Hillary with him. “You weren’t too worried about that five minutes ago,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.  “Walk me out?”

“Of course.”

The door opened a crack and Bill prepared to exit. “Goodnight baby,” he told her with a soft kiss to her lips. “Sleep well.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

“G’night.” Her voice wavered. “Sweet Dreams Billy.”

The door closed and she leaned against it with a sigh. It was going to be a long Thanksgiving weekend, but the hardest part was out of the way.  And they really did have so much to be thankful for.

 

tbc...


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